Random thoughts

Chemo sucks. Chemo sucks. Chemo sucks. Guess what? Chemo sucks.

The day was quiet for the most part. I had a meeting in the morning and then was able to come home and spend the day with Roger while checking email, etc. We went to his pain doctor (doctor number 5-6...losing count) and tried to map out a modified drug program that would help make the really bad chemo days a little less bad. The ultimate goal being to get Roger to the point where he will eat and drink even a little. So, we will continue to experiment. I'll tell you this pain management thing - well hell, medicine in general - is interesting. Its not as precise as we'd like to believe. "Try this, don't do that, take more of this other thing, etc". So our modified plan for this weekend is a higher dose of narcotic and Ativan, the magic mellow-sleep drug (I really do wish they'd give some to the wife!!!) and hopefully Saturday and Sunday will be less hell. I'll let you know.

Today, as the day wore on, I watched Roger slowly fade....and today isn't even a "bad" day. He is getting more tired. The other thing which is kicking in is more sensitivity to cold. He brushed his teeth this morning (personal hygiene is a good thing) and his fingers grazed the water. He said it was like little needles stabbing his fingers and shooting pain up his hand/arm. Damn damn damn damn. I had hopes the extreme sensitivity would not kick in until Saturday or Sunday. Regardless, he kept trying to drink and did a decent job of eating. Its so hard to not "settle in" or get comfortable with the notion of him eating/drinking when you know, just around the corner he's going to be rolled up in a ball on the sofa for a couple days consuming nothing.

So, that's where we are for now. Its wonderful having sunshine and mild temps to help offset the chemo day. We were able to enjoy some of the weather as we sat in our back courtyard. I have 3 or 4 humming bird feeders scattered around. Roger noted the upside of chemo has been slowing life down a little to enjoy watching nature....chipmunks, humming birds and gold finches. Observation: gold finches just seem to be really happy, chirpy birds. They eat the hell out of my flowers but are gorgeous to see and hear. Humming birds, aka Hummies, aka Fairies are simply fascinating marvels of nature. Having said that, they are also some of the most aggressive territorial birds I've ever known. They chase each other and are very possessive of the feeders. We've even had them buzz us if we get near the feeders. Too funny. Smallest little bitty thing has a REALLY BIG ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!!! I'll post a couple pictures tomorrow. Waiting for the camera battery to charge.

More tomorrow. A&R