Not quite the tempest of the East coast storms....but storming nonetheless. Roger - as predicted - is feeling pretty rotten. Hopefully today, Sunday, will be better than yesterday.
Yesterday was a down day. Roger spent most of the day on the sofa, or his recliner, or up in bed. The hit list of feelings includes all that I've mentioned before: flu-y, nausea, vomiting, achy, no energy....just worn out from feeling like crap. An additional big issue is that Roger feels like he can't swallow. He said he feels like his throat is "twisted up" and that food and liquid will not pass. We'll have to discuss with his oncologist. One of the things the surgeon said 2 years ago when he removed Roger's esophagus was that they may need to dilate his esophagus periodically in the event scar tissue has caused the passageway to narrow. Could be that Roger needs to have the remaining portion of the esophagus stretched where it now connects to the stomach.
In the meantime, food and drink continues to remain a challenge. Yesterday Roger had a breakfast sandwich, a few bites of fruit and some sprite and that was it. Fortunately we were able to get him IV fluids. A home nurse came to the house and showed me how to hook Roger up to the saline and sugared saline, and flush the lines. Our plan is to give him fluids at home Saturday and Sunday, as needed on going. He will still go into the infusion center during the week for fluids and additional meds.
Yesterday, Roger proclaimed we wouldn't need to do fluids today. Based on the fact he doesn't seem to be able to drink without vomiting....I think we'll do fluids again today even though he just sniped at me "no we won't". The process takes about 3-4 hours. Roger sits on the sofa, vegs out to the TV. I buzz around getting all the house work done. Yesterday I managed to knock out mowing the yard, weed whipping (whipping? wacking? eating?), refilling the bird feeders and humming bird feeders, and putting a dent in the laundry. Today will be finishing the laundry, pay a few bills (LEAST favorite thing) and do some work projects. Probably a good thing to stay out of each other's hair. His patience is short....and who can blame him. When you chronically feel bad....what do you expect? My patience is worn thin. What happens when you combine two people with short patience...um, not the formula for great laughs and marital harmony.
I have a hard time balancing my need for control and wanting to fix EVERYTHING with Roger's need for independence....and just not being suffocated. The caregiver is the "coach" (at least that's what Roger's oncologist says) so as the coach I'm always suggesting food, drink, walks, exercise, etc. In the long run, I know...we know...its the right approach. In the short term, I will tell you your armour gets dented pretty quickly with the "long-eyeed" looks and snippy remarks made. As you can imagine, its not all funny moments or tender touches. As in any relationship, there are hurt feelings, harsh words, and just plain ol' simple human interaction which isn't always pretty. Cancer has, if nothing else, given us the ability to realize when feelings are hurt or harsh words said, that the moment is most likely colored by fear/hurt/pain/exhaustion/etc from cancer. I guess its a little bit like a diffuser.
Its looks like its going to be a beautiful day. Perfect temperature so far. I'm hoping I can get Roger up for a short walk . Cross your fingers for a good day all around. ~ a
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