Gone fishing?

What a luxury it would be to simply hang a sign in the window that read "gone fishing" ...is that gone fishing for the day? the week? the month? the year? or for good? Its one of those decadent, forbidden theoretic thoughts we randomly have. Sometimes the thought dances into our brain(s) on its own. Sometimes its escorted into our brains on the heals of a conversation with someone else.

When the return of Roger's cancer was detected in June of this year and we were told how serious the situation, we had the question enter brain of "what should we be doing with your time?"...especially coupled with the thought you may have limited time on this earth. As you sit and read this ask yourself the same. Its beyond the cliched sayings of what will people remember about you when your gone - the long hours you spent at work? - the b'jillions of dollars you made? Lets say you know you have limited time...WHAT do you do? Sell everything? Liquidate? Hold a bunch of bake sales? Save save save? Travel the world? What?? Ok Ok, its a bunch of rhetorical questions. No-win questions. We don't pretend to know the answers just that we know how to ask the questions.

We know we love each other and enjoy each other's company immensely...even when we bug the snot out of each other. Which DOES happen! Just because you have cancer or love someone who has cancer doesn't mean those little annoying habits are any less annoying!! My wise Aunt Sarah who cared for my grandmother and grandfather in their last days from debilitating diseases/ailments (Granddad had cancer) told me early on, "its ok to get irritated at the stuff you used to get annoyed about before Roger was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer doesn't erase all that stuff". This rule applies both directions for BOTH the cancer patient and the caregiver.

So, along the lines of the above gone fishing thought, Roger asked me the other night "what if?...how should our time be spent?" Hmmmm, I told him. A good question. Hanging the "Gone fishing" sign doesn't work when you need insurance. "Gone fishing" doesn't work when you have a mortgage(s), bills, responsibilities. It sounds romantic and down right delicious. "sorry, we've gone fishing". Is it realistic? pragmatic? possible? Not sure that we can answer that. What I can tell you is that I would do simply anything for my husband to make him as happy and comfortable as I humanly can...well short of the proverbial threesome (sorry guys).

So maybe a compromise to get closer to the "gone fishing" approach is to send Roger to Florida, to the sun and water in the cold winter months to recover from chemo. I must confess it distresses me greatly to think of us spending months apart, especially coupled with the thought time may be limited. Hell! What am I talking about?!?!?! It IS limited whether or not you have cancer!! For ALL of us!!! Hate to burst the bubble. None of us will live forever.

Anyway, blah blah blah. Just a lot of big random thoughts we've been having.

Today was an OK day for the most part. Roger felt a little puny unbeknown to me and ended up going into the infusion center for fluids. We both think he was probably dehydrated from the weekend. He received a bunch (2+ bags) of fluids and said he started to feel better soon thereafter. We need to be more diligent...or actually I guess I need to pay closer attention. I think we both let our guard down over the weekend and tried to "relax"...NOT a good thing when going through chemo.

This evening we went to dinner with my parents and my Aunt Evie and Uncle Dick who were in town from Wisconsin. It was a great evening filled with lots of food and tons of laughs. A priceless good moment on the eve of round three of chemo this Wednesday. Tomorrow we will be getting together with Roger's Uncle Larry and Aunts Jacki and Dottie. Should be another moment filled with endless laughter. You've heard me say it before and will repeat it often in the future - family and friends are hugely important to us and help us through the most difficult of moments. Roger and I have continued to receive cards/emails (thanks Jacki/Ben, Bill/Ev, Tom/Mary, Sarah/Ken, Kate/Joe, Katie/Joe, Jennifer, and EVERYONE), and texts (Tuty, Tina, Jacki, Julie, Bill, Suzy, Christy, Alice, Brad) and calls, and cool care packages including an awesome grabbag of goodies with an antique Italian picnic knife, and various other vintage goodies (thanks Tom and Mary!), a bucket of gourmet popcorn/candy yummies (thanks Mom and Dad) and a cool globe three-dimensional puzzle that should last all of chemo...6 pieces a day for 90 days...!( thanks Evie and Dick). Every expression of support from the notes and calls to the private prayers are all appreciated more than you will ever know...more than I can ever say. Thank you thank you.

So, enough blah blah blah for tonight. Make each day count...in the most meaningful way you can. Make sure your loved ones know they are loved. ~ A&R