Truth and honesty

When we started this blog....all the way back in 2009 (a million years ago), we committed to each other to be honest and to share AND as much as we could to try to focus on the good or the positive.  In the process of being honest, we have revealed the raw underbelly of cancer.  And the emotional impact.  Having said that, we share almost in a matter of fact way.  In our world, it "is what it is". 

Today I got a small earful from Roger.  Apparently a few people have called him and asked or suggested he is "losing his mind".  Maybe that has been inferred from my sharing with you here in the blog he has recently lost words or lost a thought mid-stream.  I need to set the record straight.  Not only for him but for me.  Roger is NOT losing his mind.  Roger is NOT crazy.  Roger is NOT losing it.   He has moments where he may lose words or a thought but is perfectly right-minded...or at least as much as anyone can be under the given circumstances. Roger IS functional.  He can get around and can do things.  Maybe not as much as he used to but he can do things.   I share with you the subtlties I see or hear or think I've witnessed.  They are just that....subtlties.  After hearing about this today, I am taken aback and wonder if I should taper my blogging or maybe even stop.  My preference is to continue to share with you our days as they occur but need to caution you, rather beg you to NOT read more into the blog.  AND for godsake, PLEASE don't suggest to Roger he is losing his mind.  This evening he said, "I know I will probably eventually lose my mind or have issues but I'm not there YET."  Soooooo, please don't ask him.  Please don't challenge him.  Hell, I'm his wife and I LOVE to be right...and I don't even get to correct him. 

While we are on the subject of Roger (ok, so he's the subject of the whole blog, duh), and if I'm asking you for favors.  I'll ask for a few more.  1) When you see or talk to Roger, please don't make his cancer all there is about him.  He commented about that tonight as well.  Thats not to say you can't ask him how he is or recognize how much this sucks.  Roger simply doesn't want to be defined by his illness.  If you previously talked to him about boats or cars or whatever before....than you should still be able to talk to him about that now.  And, 2) If you spend time with Roger in person, please please please recognize he gets tired.  He will try to stand and talk for hours on end but will start to lean against the wall or a car or whatever to support himself.  He's just plain, old worn out and needs to sit down or may need to take a nap.  I was talking about this with one of my girlfriends and she said I need to be honest with you and should post this to to blog.  There may come times when I interrupt a conversation to suggest everyone sit down in the family room or Roger sit down, or go eat something or whatever.  Yah, totally over protective of me....but I have come to know Roger and can read the warning signals. 

Roger felt OK today.  He did his own thing.  I worked.  He didn't take as many pain meds as he typically does on a daily basis. So, he considers it an OK day.  He has been awake more this evening than I have seen in quite a while and has been engaged in conversation, so I too would consider it an OK day.  We'll take OK in a heartbeat!

Happy Friday.  Happy coming weekend.  xxooxxoo~ r & a