It was a pretty quiet day start to finish.  Radiation was mid-day.  We went to a late breakfast, then to radiation, then back home.  Roger immediately went up to bed to sleep.  Said his stomach was bothering him and he was achy, and he was exhausted.  So I ran errands.  One of which was buying clothes to fit him.  We've gone from a 36" waist (235 lbs) when we started this journey to now a 30" or 32" waist (138 lbs).  I'm pretty sure my jeans would fall off him....which would be devastating on multiple fronts...my husband should NOT be wearing my jeans...my underwear yes, my jeans... NO.  JUST KIDDING KIDDING!!!!  A little inappropriate humor just to see if you are awake. 

Roger tinkered a little with a couple small things this evening but quickly sank back into his recliner. 

Two more radiation treatments to go.  Then, wait and see.  We have a meeting with the oncologist on Monday to discuss how radiation went and then to discuss what's next.  There will be a scan in a couple months to see how well the radiation worked.  We are supposed to call the doctor or get in to see him if anything "unusual" happens between now and the scan.  Unusual??  This whole bloody thing is "unusual"....putting it mildly.  Poor Roger!  I'll be a freakin' watch dog hovering over him watching for the "unusual".  Again...poor Roger.

Disability application is almost done.  I'm doing a final proof and off it should go.

Taxes?...well we may have to file for an extension.  I have a call into our accountant to check his workload.  I'm guessing due to our late start and the current date... extension may be the way to go.

One of our friends asked us, "how do you deal with all this" .  We both replied independently "You just deal with it.  One day at a time."  There is no handbook, no playbook.  It never gets "ok".  It never gets "easy".  The proverbial "it" just moves further back in the line we call life.  Always there....just a little further back.  And, some days it rushes forward to smack you in the face.  Other days its in the background.  Back to what I call a suspended reality.  That's our world.  Suspended reality.  Its up to us, each of us, to find the joy.  The joy in the moment, the day, hopefully the week.  At minimum, the joy of the moment.  I try to make sure there are stupid silly moments we can laugh about, hopefully every day.  Laughter doesn't fix.  It just coats the raw edges a little.  Additionally to help soften the raw edges there needs to be human touch.  Don't worry, no x-rated stuff.  That's not in the picture.  Human touch, genuine, pure, soft, tender touch.  A hug.  Holding hands.  A touch on the arm when you walk out of the room.  Laughter with a grab of a friend's shoulder.  You get the picture.  Roger and I both find ourselves responding to anyone who asks if we need a hug, "Everyone needs a hug.  No matter what the circumstances.  Everyone needs a hug".  Maybe a little too cheesy for most people, but we truly believe it. 

So, with that we are sending all of you a big virtual hug.  g'nite. luv, a + r