I thought about the blog several times yesterday and several times today.  I searched for what I was going to write. Maybe it s a good thing when I'm at a loss....nothing bad necessarily though implicitly that means nothing good too.  This evening I asked Roger, "What should I blog about?"  He responded, "I don't know. Say there is nothing to say".  Well, thank you very much... been there done that.  I told him, I don't even have any funnies to share. Does that mean nothing fun/amusing is happening?  Maybe.  Or the moments were so small and random.  We shared a giggle but then nothing stuck in my brain.   Since I am at a loss for words, I'll instead share random, not related thoughts. 

DINING OUT:  a luxury we took for granted.  Before cancer, we used to eat out almost every night.  Ate too much. Drank too much.  It was a big, every day part of our life. Today, Roger muscled up the energy and effort to run an errand and then suggested going out for dinner.  As we sat in the booth, waiting for our dinner to be served, he said "We used to go out every night.  I used to be able to eat this whole basket of chips and drink margaritas..."    I paused, munched a chip and said, "yes, we did.  And we ate too much and drank too much.  Life always changes and we are going to change with it.  Now, think about all the money we are saving!" 

PREDICTABILITY:  a concept I never thought we would miss but we do.  We miss predicting a "normal" day or at least predicting Roger would have a decent day or even a decent night sleep. The irony in this statement as a lot of you are probably thinking... there is NOTHING predictable about Roger Wethington. Mr. 'Don't Worry bout It' had this amazing ability to just roll with life.  As many of you know, we are reluctant to make plans to get together for dinner, or drinks or anything because we just never know about how Roger is going to feel.  Honestly, we are not hermits.  You've come to learn...at a given moment, Roger's system can turn on him, twist him into a knot with pain.
 
TIME: a word or concept which is full of multiple meanings.  Time is a good thing, time is a bad thing, time is an illusive thing.  It flies, it stands still.  When you are faced with a serious illness with an alleged timeline, the passage of time has new meaning. Remember when we were all kids and we couldn't wait to get "old"???  Now that we are "old" and faced with this serious situation, we both would give our right arm to go back to being young. 

CAREFREE:   We no longer have completely carefree moments.  Think about those moments in your day - and I'm not here to say everyone has them - but I know we *used* to have perfectly, albeit small, carefree moments. I really don't feel like we have those any more.  Everything now has a little more weight to it.

PEOPLE:  people are and will always be the most valuable resource we all have.  Family-people, friend-people, work-people, all people.  You've heard me say repeatedly how important our people are to us.  That's not just lip-service I truly mean it.  And I mean people.... and that's a two-way concept....ok, maybe that doesn't make sense.  What I'm trying to say is that its just not people WE rely ON but also, we hope, that our people know THEY can rely on US.  I/We would drop everything for our people if you needed something....anything.  I know some of you have hesitated to ask.  Don't hesitate. Sometimes, a lot of times, it helps to distract us from our life by helping or simply being with others. 

Roger's bday is coming up.  May 10.  He turns 52!  Holyhell, a veritable junior old person (as Roger would say). The American Cancer Society has a marketing slogan about celebrating birthdays which we ALL need to do...regardless of cancer or for that matter life's trials and tribulations.    More importantly, we all need to celebrate LIFE.  So, celebrate your life (stop and be appreciative), celebrate the life of your loved ones and your friends (stop and appreciate them), and enjoy the moment.  Try to find those moments of funny (which escape my memory lately) and revel in a simple laugh or small smile.   

Sending a big virtual hug your way.