I'm at a loss for words tonight.  Just feeling a little overwhelmed with life.  Tons of stuff to do.  A fragile husband.  And life which just keeps ticking away.  I think I'm feeling a little more melancholy (right word?) than usual.  I think because I learned a girl friend's father passed away this morning unexpectedly.  How quickly life changes.  There are no magic words.  All I could say is "we're here for you"... and then my way of trying to fix what which is un-fixable....food.  So I dashed to the grocery and purchased everything I could find to make a care package.  Nope, it doesn't fix a thing.  Nope, it doesn't take away the pain.  Its just our small insignificant way of being there. 

Roger had a day of ups and downs beyond the emotional gut punch of our friend's loss.  He got up this morning and seemed to be ok.  Watched Sunday Morning on CBS and then made some eggs and toast for breakfast.  Sounds innocent enough, right?  Well, we just can't seem to accurately predict what will send his system into fits.  Today, it was either eggs or toast or both.  He ended up having to go back to bed to sleep for a couple hours.  Stomach and system in knots.  After taking some painkillers and sleeping, he felt better.   We saw my parents briefly in the afternoon, and then Roger worked on a couple things in the garage.  By the end of the evening, he was feeling "ok" .  We went for a walk around the neighborhood (it was gorgeous weather this evening...if nothing else).  Basically up/down/up/down....basically cancer.

So our travel plans are firming up.  It looks like we are going to England with Roger's mom and sister for about 5 days.  Roger's mom is from England - so she is a tremendous knowledge base for the area.  We were toying with going to Monaco at the end of the England holiday.   Apparently the Formula 1 Grand Prix will be running at the end of that week.  Roger is a huge fan of F-1 racing (I enjoy it...just not a HUGE fan). Well after loads of research we have come to the conclusion the trip would just be "too much"...too much energy, too much chaos, and a ton of $$.  Instead, I think we do the first part of the trip in England with his Mom and sister and then will reserve the Monaco portion of the funds toward renting a large boat with a crew and go island hopping somewhere warm.  Roger's first love (nope, not me) is the water and boating.  After wrestling with the two ideas, we both agree the island hopping is probably the better choice of the two.

In June, we'll be doing a mini-family reunion on my side of the family.  Plans are to do it in southern IN and also use our boat.  Should be good fun.  I love that area, we love to be on the boat, and love to be with family.  All good stuff.

I had a totally unsettling moment when walking with Roger today.  He completely lost his words, the thought he had been expressing.  Just all gone.  I waited and waited and waited while he searched for the thought, searched for the words.  When nothing would come out, I quietly referenced the conversation we were having and where he left off....and then the conversation resumed.  He did that a couple times today.  I'm hoping this is just radiation aftermath still lingering and that he will continue to "come back'. 

As usual, its late.  Sunday evening on the threshold of Monday morning.  New week.  And, as usual, we have tons to do.  So, I'm going to start the 'go to bed' dance with my skinny-mini husband. 

Love your people.  Appreciate your people.  And live for the moment.  ~ a & r