First, lets start with the visit to the doctor's office. We are getting good at doctors.  We went to the Ear Nose Throat doctor's office and took with us a large Ziploc bag with all of Roger's prescriptions (they all want to know what medication you are on) . Yet another doctor.  We arrived on time.  Had to fill out form after form after form.  30 minutes later we were ushered to an exam room to wait for Dr. Youkilis (apparently related to the infamous baseball player Youkilis....I'm out of the sports world, so I have no idea). 

The doctor came in an performed a series of tests on Roger again the purpose to determine if possible what was/is going on with Roger's voice loss.  As the doctor started examining Roger, peering in various holes and orifices of Roger's .  No worries.  No Xrated stuff.  Remember he is an ENT doctor.  Anyway, as he was poking and prodding, he looked into Roger's ears whereupon the doctor announced, "hmmmm, you have a lot of wax build up. Do you mind if I remove it?"  Ok, ok. That should be no big deal, right?  I've been with Roger through thick and thin, blood and all kinds of stomach-turning moments (and remember, I'm NOT Florence Nightengale.  No nurse on this end).  Well, um, no.  I'm not big on ear wax.  You see, one mindless-tv-day we were watching Mythbusters and they were testing some DISGUSTING myth about making a candle with earwax.  GGGGGGRRRROOOSSSSSS.  And even grosser....we watched the damn program.  Anyway, I will spare you all the scarring of the program.  Suffice to say, it was gross and now I am grossed out by earwax.  So, as the doctor scooped out little scoop after little scoop of earwax, I sat across from Roger seriously disgusted and saw a tiny little smile on his face.  He later shared with me he knew how disgusted I was because he remembered how much the tv program grossed me out.  Nice, huh?

So, the doctor's visit.  He examined Roger and determined Roger's hearing loss is because his left vocal cord is paralyzed.  The doctor theorized it was due to the tumors in Roger's chest.  Cancer strikes again.  Really?  It hasn't done enough?  It has to go after his ability to communicate?  Really?  Not that Roger was all that chatty lately, but to take away his voice entirely?  Exceptionally cruel and inhumane.  After making the prognosis, the doctor said he did have a procedure he thought might help.  Basically, outpatient.  Roger would be knocked out for 25-30 min.  The doctor would go down Roger's throat and would insert a fluid type implant into Roger's left vocal cord which would firm up the vocal cord and allow the right vocal cord to reverberate and thus create sound.  The doctor also identified the fact Roger has been having increasing difficulty swallowing liquids (which is true).  Apparently the vocal cord paralysis interferes with the swallowing process. 

We decided to get on the doctor's calendar for June 12 to have the procedure. All of us, Roger, the doctor, and me, agreed the quality of life - however long that life - should include the ability to communicate.  I've missed hearing Roger's voice.  Every night I tell him good night and that I love him.  I have to lean in real close wrapping my arm around him to hear him whisper, "I love you too".  Once the doctor left the exam room, as I sat across from Roger I looked at him, took a deep breath and said, "You and your poor body have been through so much.  We'll do whatever you want".  There are risks, but in the whole scheme of things.  Roger wants his voice back and I support him 100%.  And, I want his voice back. And so, we are on the doctor's calendar for June 12.  It will most likely take a few days but the doctor thought we should hear a noticeable difference in Roger's voice. 

As you most likely can tell, or maybe you can't.  Roger is fragile and getting more so.  His blood pressure has been very low. We think dehydration may contribute to the low blood pressure, so we decided to do fluids here at home.  Got his port accessed a couple days ago.  We've done fluids for the past three days.  His blood pressure *has* gone up. So, it appears the fluids are helping.  We just finished tonight's dose.   He is trying to eat more but sleeps a bunch so I've been prodding every chance I get. 

Meeting with the prospective buyer of our boat on Monday.  Basically have decided we are going to make a deal, whatever the deal. Roger does not want me to have to deal with the sale of the boat on my own.  I don't want Roger to worry about anything, so....we are going to sell the boat.  Plus, Roger has expressed he just does not think he can handle the boat anymore. Simple. Done.  Lets sell it.  On to the next thing. 

Obviously lots going on.  Trying to find peace.  Trying to squeeze out every drop of life we possibly can.

Sending big hugs your way.  Hope all is groovy with you.  xxooxx, a & r