Sunday, a day of rest

We went into the weekend apprehensive, especially falling on the heels of what has proven to be one of our toughest weeks. The weekend fell in step with the prior week. Saturday Roger felt so badly and weak that we were afraid we were going to have to call an ambulance. He wouldn't get out of bed despite my repeated pleading, bargaining, prodding, and even barking (though I really didn't do much of that). After having a milkshake in bed and sleeping until noon, he finally felt like he had enough energy to make it out of bed and down the stairs to his chair. After choking down a little lunch, he felt strong enough to make it to the car and off to the hospital. We went to the oncology floor to get fluids. In by about 1:00 and out by 4:30 - he felt a little better but still felt terrible.

Today, Sunday, was more of the same. He felt marginally better in the morning and was actually awake and functional by 9:00 but faded pretty quickly. Still managed to eat a late breakfast/brunch, and off to the hospital again. In by 2:00 out by 5:30...we've had some long days from that perspective. The time during which Roger gets fluids is good for him as he's able to sleep pretty soundly for 2-3 hours once he is hooked to the IV. I'm able to use the time to do work, email, & go through bills.

Tomorrow we meet with Dr. Birhiray first thing in the morning and Roger will then have more IV fluids & drugs. We have a long list of questions for Dr. B -at the top of the list is 'does Roger ABSOLUTELY need to have these last 4 treatments of radiation this week????' As of this evening, he cannot seem to swallow anything more dense or solid than milkshakes, liquids, or soup. It was a moment of realization and maybe fear that we both hoped would never come. Maybe, it is just a temporary thing today/tomorrow because of the aftermath of chemo rather than just the radiation. Whatever it is, we want to limit it. The prospect of having a feeding tube at this stage is daunting and psychologically a huge blow. We'll find out the pros and cons and will make a decision tomorrow or Tuesday (we meet with the radiologist on Tuesday).

I hope to speak with the genetics counselor early this week as well to try to sort things out.

Roger has been slowly losing weight. The height of this weight at the start of this process was 232. On Friday he was at 227 and today he was around 224. Because he is having trouble swallowing, we can't seem to get enough calories & protein in him. He gives me the long eye every time I suggest "hey how about a yummy milkshake? chocolate? vanilla? strawberry? caramel? pumpkin? ANYTHING???". Fortunately I can't read minds as I'd probably rather not know what he is thinking when I ask this repeated question. I've got a fridge and freezer full of things that "don't sound good" (according to Roger). I figure if I have enough options, I'm bound to hit on a suggestion that sounds good to him on a random day. Tenacity is what the treatment of cancer is all about - for both the patient and the caregiver. Tenacity and patience if possible.

Keep your fingers crossed for Roger. We need a couple days of him feeling better to boost spirits. ~ A&R