The day off.

We decided to come down to the boat for the weekend regardless of what the weather may be. Luck happened to be in our corner and Saturday and Sunday have both been beautiful. Chilly but sunny, pleasant. On the trip down here, Roger out of the blue announced "feels good to have a day off". I kinda looked out the corner of my eye and thought to myself, "oh no, the chemo has completely taken his brain...he thinks its a work day and its really Saturday". So, I opted to NOT say what I was thinking and instead turned to look at him through dark sunglasses (you can't tell what I'm thinking as well if you can't see my eyes) with a quizzical "hmmm? what?" To which he replied, "it feels good to have the day off and not have to make the daily trek to the oncology center". WHEW!!!! His brain isn't gone! Maybe mine is.

Roger is a little apprehensive about this week and the potential start of chemo. He still feels poorly, low energy, and generally "flu-y". The scary thing is, if he felt so badly during the last round of chemo when he was more healthy, then this round may be even more difficult. A tough thing for the most invincible of super-heroes to have to deal with. Trying to stay focused on the positive that he handled the chemo and radiation to date better than the doctors ever predicted. Just a little tough to know that you're getting ready to take a beating from the inside out and you're consciously going in for the beating.

We're apprehensive for Monday but at least we know the drill and know that there will be a group of beautiful, warm, loving nurses at the oncology center to greet us and take good care of Roger. The unknown as of this moment is whether or not Roger's system has healed enough for this next round of chemo. The blood test Monday morning will be the indicator. If he is strong enough the process will be: Monday - all day at the oncology center for chemo and radiation. The chemo chemical is cisplatin and will drip for 6-8 hours. Then they will send Roger home with a pump that will slowwwwllllyyyyy pump 5FU (the other chemo drug) into his system over the course of 96 hours. Every day we will go to the oncology center for radiation and for IV fluids including 4-5 drugs to stave off the nausea and potential vomiting.

We both anticipate that getting food and drinks into his system is going to be more challenging because the "crappy" feeling will intensify and his desire to only sleep will intensify thus decreasing his desire to eat or drink anything. I've warned him that I will continue to "nudge" him to eat & drink. I usually get a dirty look from him when I nudge him, to which I respond, "I would rather that you hate me but are HEALTHY than you think I'm the sweetest thing around but you are sick. Its a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I want you HEALTHY." So, I may have to come live with one of you out there by the time this process is over. :-) Kidding! Its really not that bad, and Roger DOES know that every bit of my prodding is grounded in love for him. We're both trying to focus on the BIG PICTURE.

I know I've said previously that its hard to plan for the future - and it still is. However we...I... am toying with the idea of having a fund raiser to benefit the cancer society or cancer research. I can't remember if I've mentioned this before in a previous post. Anyway, my initial thoughts are for sometime in early 2010 maybe February or March or April. Again, I'm just in the initial thought process. All I know is that the number of people I know directly or indirectly with cancer grows daily. We have and have had several friends and family members with cancer of different types - breast cancer, prostate cancer, lung cancer, non-hodgkins lymphoma, and now esophageal cancer. Strangely, I had never really heard of esophageal cancer and now know of TWO co-workers who each have a parent with esophageal, at least 3 different friends of friends, and of course Roger. Too much cancer. Anyway, I'm starting to toss this idea around. Will keep you posted when/if I get the energy to start the ball rolling.

Keep your positive thoughts coming our way. We'll be back in touch soon. Love, A&R