Here are a couple pictures from last weekend.  This is our boat.  As I briefly mentioned yesterday, we stayed with my parents at their river house.  Sunday Mom, Dad, and I cleaned the boat.  Roger unfortunately wasn't feeling well.  The movement on the boat from the various waves in the marina proved to be really difficult on Roger.  As you can imagine, your body tries to balance against the waves/movement.  If your core isn't strong...well, it takes everything out of you.  So, Roger rested on the sofa while we set about cleaning and knocking out projects he wanted done. The potential buyer we referenced previously is still interested in purchasing the boat.  We thought Roger might try to meet with the buyer this week.  He, the buyer, wants to do a sea trial (go for a boat ride) and then make us an offer.  Since Roger's voice hasn't returned, he hasn't gone down there.  A project for next week.  We want to sell the boat.  Roger has said the boat is simply too much for him any more, so....we need to sell it.  Sad or not sad. 

I do have a small funny for you.  I think I've told you before, I do not like (understatement....hate) spiders.  Its completely irrational, but its real.  I'm terrified of them.  It is a "boy" job in this house to deal with them.  In a moment of desperation, I will deal with the multi-legged monster.  This past week, a GIGANTIC, HUGE, UNNATURALLY LARGE spider was in our master bathroom.  OOOhhhhhHELLNO.  That was not going to do.  Roger, was downstairs ...I had come upstairs to run a bath for him.  So, the 8-legged beast lunged at me when I tried to whack it with my shoe.  It jumped to the roll of toilet paper.  I whacked it with my shoe only to have the monster fall to the garbage can below.  You and I both know, it was NOT dead merely stunned and I was sure plotting its revenge.  So, when Roger came up for his bath, I warned him there may be a monster lurking in the garbage can and that he, Roger, should keep a shoe handy...just in case.  Now my slightly abnormal fear of spiders comes naturally.  My dad does not like them either.  So much so that he closes the drains in the bathtubs and sinks  in their river house when they leave.  Well, despite my husband not feeling well.  He decided he was going to play a joke on my dad.  He captured the stunned monster in a zip lock bag and we took it with us to southern Indiana.  As mentioned, the drains were indeed closed.  So, when my Dad went outside, Roger took his little prize and released it in the bathtub knowing my dad would be coming in to take a shower.  Of course my dad came in a short while later.  The next thing we know, my dad is scurrying out of the bathroom to chase down a paper cup and piece of cardboard to get the spider out of the tub all the while saying "I just don't know how this spider made it into the tub!  The drain was closed"  We erupted into laughter and Roger revealed - through his whispered voice - that he brought the little present all the way from Indy just for my dad.

Today was busy and tomorrow will prove to be the same.  We had an appointment with Roger's pain doctor.  The doctor wanted to see how the new pain killer was working and what Roger thought of it....Roger didn't like it.  He asked about Roger's lost voice and referred us to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor. Appointment is tomorrow morning at 10:30.  Its a never ending process, but one I'll gladly do in an effort to find Roger some comfort and hopefully get his voice back.  He's soooooo quiet.  The house is sooooo quiet. 

Will let you know how the appointment goes tomorrow.  hugs, a

Another quick post

Haven't had the words to post.  Still don't tonight. Roger is sleeping more and more and eating less and less.  His voice hasn't come back and we are starting to wonder if it will.  He can whisper talk...but it seems to be difficult.  Fortunately the world now includes texting....may be a much better way to communicate with Roger at least for now.  Otherwise it is necessary to sit close to Roger.  Talking on the phone is virtually impossible. 

Will continue to look for the words to post tomorrow.  I have some pictures from the weekend when we went to my parents river house will post them tomorrow too.  We hung out with my 'rents and spent the night.  The next day the four of us went to the boat and worked on it. 

Trying to make sure we are getting to bed early to see if it will help rejuvenate Roger.  He was the one who suggested it. So, we are making a concerted effort to be in bed between 10:00 - 10:30.  I know you know what's coming next....time to shuffle us both off to bed.

much love, a & r

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home

Dorothy had to click her pretty ruby shoes together three times and repeat the same...there's no place like home.  We had to do a little more.... 45 min car ride to airport, 6.5 hour flight, long line after long line through customs, 3 hours layover, another flight, and then a car ride home....17 hours from the point we left our hotel, we finally, FINALLY got home.  And both of us breathed a huge sigh of relief as we walked in the door, sat on our comfy furniture and finally succumb to the long day by crawling into bed at 10:00.  There truly is NO place like home.

I looked back at a couple of the prior posts.  Sorry sorry sorry.  Typos, wrong words, you name it.  Apple Ipad and freaky-malfunctioning Internet service do not make for a good blogging formula.  Hopefully you could figure out whatthehell I was trying to say. 

I am happy to report it appears we did not lose a single item (as far as I know).  I don't think anyone picked our pockets.  Won't know if any technology or identity theft occurred for a little while. So, from that perspective, an OK trip.  We did manage to make a couple day trips out for 4-6 hours.  Saw a few tourist-y sights.  And most importantly, Roger did not land in the hospital.  A concern he expressed the day before we left (timing???!!???). 

Here are a few pictures...now that I have my faithful, trusty ol' PC back under my fingertips.  (the above is on the "Eye" ferris wheel, so is the picture of big ben) 

As I mentioned earlier, we did do a couple big trips and as mentioned in a prior post, we went to the theatre twice (second play was very funny British humor).  The first photo is of Roger, his mother Jackie and his sister Denise.  This is at the first theatre. 

We went to a beautiful restaurant in Reading Sunday.  The restaurant is called the French Horn, its set on the Thames River. Simply beautiful.  Apparently the Queen's swans like to hang out in the river near the restaurant.  Yep, the Queen Mum has swans.  How royal, eh?  As I've mentioned before, Roger's mom is from England.  So, part of the trip was having the wonderful pleasure of meeting his mom's best childhood friend Pat and her husband Michael.  All in the included picture.  The food was scrumptious (isn't that a great word?) though waaay too much.  There is such a sad irony to yummy food and a leisurely meal when you have Roger because eating is so difficult for him and is so devoid of pleasure for him.

These pictures are from Winchester Cathedral in Winchester.  Beautiful place.  The architecture is breath taking.  Though I'm not particularly spiritual, I figured it couldn't hurt to make a donation and in return...light a candle and make a silent request for my husband. 

It was a very very big trip. Exceptionally ambitious and borderline insanity at some level. But, it was an important trip and we are both glad we made it.   Roger is simply exhausted... which I think he may have been whether we went or not.  He has also lost his voice.  Lost it about three days ago.  He was refluxing and aspirating three nights in a row.  We think this may have inflamed or irritated his larynx or voice box.  He literally has no voice.  I called the doctor's office today.  They agree its most likely due to the refluxing.  We're going to try adding another medication to see if it will help  According to the doctor's office, the increased refluxing and aspirating is part of the advanced stage of the cancer. 

Having a hard time getting Roger to eat much (and experienced the same on the trip). The count today is most of a McDonald's McGriddle, 1/2 an Arby's French Dip, a cookie, and now, a cup of soup (probably less than a cup).  And, its simply too late to eat any more.  We have a constant battle.  Me pushing food and nagging.  Roger ignoring me or sleeping through all the suggestions.  He knows he needs to eat but he also associates pain with eating so he is resistant to eating.  And so, his poor weak body continues to devour itself.  He tried to help me with watering the lawn this evening and just didn't have the core strength.  We managed a small walk around the block prior.  I'm hoping a little walking will help stave off the atrophy of his muscles. 

Too pooped. Gotta stop.  More tomorrow and over the weekend.  Cross you fingers Roger feels a little relief, a little less exhausted, and that a little happy shines on him.  I haven't seen much happy out of him in a while. 

I miss my husband, and am missing him more with each passing day.

Happy sad, sad happy

Its Tuesday night, 10:30pm uk time. We are settled in our room, as we have been since 4:30. I'm sitting here on top over the bed duvet, Roger is snugged under it. The magic box (tv) is on as usual. We moved rooms by the wy...much bigger room with room to breathe. Of course as is our way, we have had loads of Wethington luck....tv didn't work, Internet hasn't worked well for over 24 hours, and miscellaneous other little challenges. Normally not an issue if you are out exploring the city but when you don't feel well and are in the room all the time....all pretty significant. The hotel staff arranged for us to have high tea in our room this afternoon. Tea and cocktails and finger sandwiches (not sandwiches made of fingers...just foo-foo little sandwich bits with no crust), little yummy sweets and scones. So I munched on yummies, drank 2 cocktails and a couple cups of tea while I packed. Roger had a couple bites and looked at the tv around me packing. After packing, I ventured out for a walk. Took a picture of Buckingham Palace. Was wishing I had my favorite photo subject with me, but he was back in bed. So I only took one picture. Was going to teach it...but technology has decided you should use your imagination.

Apologies ahead of time, I'm typing one handed on the iPad. Roger woke for a minute. I gave him a kiss, he said , "I love your tender sweet kisses" then he closed his eyes again while taking my hand. So now we are holding hands and I'm hunting and pecking the keys while my sweet fragile husband sleeps.

We have had a couple big day trips. Yesterday we went with Roger's mom and sister south to Winchester Cathedral.
Had lunch at this restaurant, bldg built in the late 1400 early 1500 s. soooooo cool. But a very big day for Roger. 2hours in the car and then a train ride back. He collapsed at the end of the day. I will be posting more pictures once I get home to my good ol pc.....but for now will post a few iPhone pics. (nope, not posting pictures. Keep trying and it won't work. Figure it won't do any good to have a meltdown Over pictures. So, pics later.) Have a small funny for you at my expense. We noticed some of my iPhone pics were foggy. I couldn't figure out why. Roger at some point said, "do you still have a protective film on the back of your phone?". WHAT???? What feeaking film? You can probably guess the answer to this rather LATE question..... Ugh.

Today we took the underground train to Camden Market - two train transfers and we arrived in this mecca of grundge, tattoo shops, and booth after booth of stuff. Roger loves (loved) the area. Feels very artsy fartsy. I was apprehensive about the trip there but Roger wanted to show me. He had been there before. So, I blocked and tackled the crowd, holding hands with my fragile husband, pulling us both through the crowd. All the while taking inventory of our persons to make sure we hadn't lost anything. We had lunch at a restaurant which immediately didn't sit well with Roger. Had to find a spot where he could recline a little and let the cramps/pain pass. Fortunately we found a canal bank in the sun. He rested while I popped back and forth between him and the various vendors' booths. After about 30-45 min he felt better and we explored a little more together.Then made our way back to the hotel.

It's been a hard trip in so many different ways. Logistical practical stuff like our first tiny room, Internet issues, technology losses with the iPad, etc. then there have been the physical issues for Roger - pain, discomfort, exhaustion, body failing you when the mind remembers, etc, and then there has been the emotional issue for both of us. We both realize just how fragile Roger really is. We recognize the difference between what we used to do and what we can now do...or not do. It hit Roger really hard the first couple days. It hit me hard the last couple days. So it's been a happy sad, sad hay trip.

It's too hard to post tonight. Part technology and part emotion. Will post more tomorrow when I get back to better f'ing Internet connection. Ugh.

Had to share a picture of our room. I am literally standing at the door taking this picture. You can see the window at the end of the bed. The suit case is on top of the refrigerator. See? Cozy!! Thats Roger in bed. (stupid technology cuts his head off....I had all of him in the picture..ughhh!). I managed to get him up to go for a brief walk. He then came back to the room and I continued on to find some soup for him and other nibbles I thought he might eat.


Roger's sister, Denise, and I ventured out earlier for a brief walk around the neighborhood and over to Victoria Station. If nothing else it's been loads of fun watching the fashion. LOVE it! The four of us were supposed to go to lunch at one of my mother-in-laws favorite restaurants (she was born and raised here until she turned 18 and came to the US). Unfortunately Roger didn't feel up for it so we decided to stay back. We are hoping Roger has the energy to venture out in the next day or two to either Campden or Portobella Road markets and the maybe a river cruise and or tour of the tombs under Westminster. Or, if need be we will continue to familiarize ourselves with daytime Brit tv. Actually I do love their show TopGear - it's car related but is really entertaining despite the car subject matter.


Since I venture out solo alot lately, I've been able to discover some yummy little delicatessens in the area. There is an Italian one just around the corner. Was able to get a bit of cheese, salami with white truffle (ummmmm, yum!!) and.....need I say....wine. I only drink it for the benefit of my heart (red wine) and the benefit of my lungs/breathing (white wine). Purely medicinal purposes.


Below picture is a pair of Roger's snazzy socks. We had to pack every pair of wool and every pair of snugly socks he has. He thinks these socks express his artistic side. I told him I think they make home look like a dork. We've agreed to disagree. ( though, as is always the case....I know I'm right)


Happy Saturday. We are off to the theatre tonight. Think happy funny comedy thoughts ! Can't handle another drama. :-)

We have a couple days under our belt here in London. Lots of adjusting. Adjusting to the English and Irish accents not to mention the Slavic and Indian accents. Adjusting to the time difference (hits me at 2:00 a.m. Uk time). Adjusting to the food...peas and potatoes with almost everything. Roger had an omlette today for late lunch. It came with peas (?) and french fries (?). He has not been eating well. We finally stopped at a local market to purchase peanut butter and cracker for him and, um, wine for me. We are Olympic contenders with our nutrition consumption!! You and I already know I'm on various nutritionist's most wanted list as a nutrition felon. Additional adjusting: technology....I changed to an iPhone before we left and I borrowed an iPad from my family's business - two huge mistakes, or rather frustration accelerators. Adjusting to our hotel/room - as is the case with most London accommodations, the room is TINY. We have a queen size bed in a room the size of a kingside bed. Every day we do this dance when we get up, who is going on what side of the room. The bathroom and closet are down 4 stair..again we take turns going to this area. The other adjustment is the hotel is actually a converted old row house. Very quaint however NOT very quiet. When people walk down our hallway, our bed literally jumps with each stomp stomp stomp of their feet. We can hear every conversation. Its pretty humorous except in the morning when you are trying to sleep. I about came unglued this morning as the hotel staff started its morning routine at 8am outside our door. REALLY, 8 A.M.????? Roger in his ambiem fog misses most of the nonesense. Me, on the other hand, I may turn into an ax murderer from interrupted sleep and extreme annoyance. The trip has proven to be much more emotionally charged than I had ever anticipated. Any time you go on a trip with your favorite person anywhere, let alone to a foreign country you have some image conjured in your mind about the trip. Maybe its based on some prior trip, or maybe its based on a movie, who knows. Anyway, it probabably includes laughter, good food/drink, seeing sights and just a general carefree sense of being. We haven't really had much of any of that. We have spent quite a bit of time in the hotel room because Roger hasnt been up to extended trips out and about much. We do what we can and then head back to chill out. As you can imagine, its pretty daunting. Its especially hard when you think of what you used to be able to do compared with now. Roger has been consumed with that thought and emotionally crushed by it. Ive told him, we cannot live in the past, a world of "used to" serves us no purpose. We live in this world and looking back to another world will only suffocate us. We have had some emotionally charged conversations. And all too weird, I honestly never thought we would. I thought we'd get here and be charged with energy and would have tons and tons of fun. So, in the world we live today, it means we take each day as it comes and if that means we have to go back to the room to take a nap or lay down...then so be it. The photo above is of us on the "Eye" ferris wheel. We were able to see a majority of the city. Very cool. We took the photo a couple days ago. Roger's mom and sister got here yesterday. We went to the theatre with them last night. A major undertaking for Roger. It was a one man show called Misterman. It was very good in that it was one actor who kept you entertained but it was distrurbing in that it was some psychcotic character who had been abused and had multiple voices in his head which caused him to act out violently. Not exactly light humor for an evening at the theatre. We are supposed to go again tomorrow evening and its supposed to be a comedy.....cross your fingers.. Gotta stop for now. Its about 8 million degrees in the room and I'm melting. Roger is snug as a bug under te duvet. So, I dont want to dial the temperature down in the room or open a window. Instead, to cool down, I need to go downstairs and lay in the cold tub. Sounds silly but this is our world. At least when I'm home, I can turn a fan on in front of me to cool down. AUUUGGGHHHHHH, I just did a quick preview of the post. And the bloody posting (getting into the Brit way of communicating) shows up as one ginormous paragraph. I have NOT lost my senses. I have NOT lost proper use of the ENglish language. The blinking technology (Ipad) does not want to interface with the blinking blog site. AUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, add your own punctuation, paragraph separation, hell, add your own embelishments as you see fit. I am NOT going to tackle technology this trip. Will focus on and nagging my husband. its 12:30 a.m. d he is, as usually slumped into a ball snoozing. Love and hugs to all. Have some potatoes and peas with all your meals. Go the British way!!!

Exhaustion

Its been a tough couple weeks. Nah, it's been a very difficult couple weeks. Doctors apps, test, nerves raw, tons and tons to do and never enough time or energy. Roger has steadily felt worse and basically crashed over the weekend. No energy. Felt bad. Hardly moved from his chair. He slept a lot and sank into a funk. This as the backdrop. We had looming the trip to London - departure on Monday (yesterday). As I was running around around the house cleaning, packing for both of us doing laundry, getting the cats ready, paying bills etc at 9pm saturday Roger asked when I was going to have time to get the paperwork together for the couple who are buying one of our rentals. My head literally spun on my shoulders. I kept working and then finally collapsed on the sofa around 11. At that time Roger shared with me he didn't think he had the energy to do the trip. Again my head spun. Not because I minded but because in the 11th hour he shared this with me. He was worried about the money. Not an issue. Not a consideration I responded. We had an emotional conversation and agreed we would wait until the morning and he would decided. I am posting this entry from our hotel room in London. Roger is asleep. He spent most of the airport commute time in a wheel chair which was smart for us. He could not have walked ohare or heathrow airports. We used credit card points and were able to fly first class so he was able to actually lay down and sleep for a good part of the trip. We spent a lot of time in the travel lounges thanks to our tickets so that helped reduce the impact of hustle and bustle. Once we arrived at the hotel (after the car driver was lost for over an hour) we took a couple hour nap. To or row will be a lot of hotel room time which is fine. I will use the in-room hotel time to do work - email, catch up on projects, and make calls. (doesn't matter where you are you can always be plugged in). We built in buffer recovery days before roger's mom and sister get here. They arrive on the 17th. Once they are here we will play it by ear. He said he feels a little better but is absolutely exhausted. Ive been trying to hold the exhaustion at bay. Will probably succumb to it in a few minutes. This is a big trip. It probably registers as some level of insanity. He was determined to do it....so we are here. I'm wearing my wife-nurse-nag hat and have been on his case relentlessly to eat and drink water. Begrudgingly he is trying. Now, he's just sleeping. My apologies in advance. I will not even be trying to proof for content or typos. Back to not having enough time or energy. Hope to have some great pictures and stories to share! Take care of yourselves. Sending you international hugs. Angie and Roger