Life is all about balancing

We all look for balance at some point in life.  Work/Life balance.  Eating too much/eating too little balance.  Drinking too much/drinking too little (is that possible?) .  Anyway, you get the picture.  Its all about balance.  We find ourselves looking for that balance on a daily balance.  And maybe, "balance" isn't the right word.  There is a fine line we maneuver as Roger's condition becomes more fragile.  He has been sleeping nearly non-stop over the last two days.  The fine line or balance is waking Roger to eat, to hydrate, to talk with visitors, to exercise his bones/muscles verses sleeping.  He says he wants to eat, drink, etc. but then falls asleep mid-bite or mid-drink.  I've had to rescue cups on the verge of tipping held in Roger's thin hands.  I've also had to rescue (sometimes not so successfully) bites of peanut butter cracker, iced cupcake, etc.  Thus the increased quantity of laundry lately as I'm constantly changing out linens. 

As I mentioned above, Roger slept the majority of the day today.  He did wake around the lunch hour.  Decided he needed to use the bathroom which proved unsuccessful.  I told him we needed to watch that because a couple of the medicines he's on have a side effect of possible difficulty in urinating.  He responded he wanted to try a bath before we resulted in having to call the nurse to do a catheter.  Ok, a bath.  No big deal, right?  We've done at least three since we've been home.  So as is the case with all the other trips to the tub, we started to mobilize.  I carry the pouch with his pain medicine and pump.  I slither under his arm pit and he uses a cane in his other hand...and off we set, very slowly to the stairwell and then navigate, one stair at a time upward.  Again, no big deal...we've done this drill.  Well, today.....Roger was much much weaker and spacey.  As we made our way up the stairs his frail leg (one side is significantly weaker than the other) kept giving out.  Additionally, Roger's balance must be off.  I kept coaching him to lean forward into the stairs as we moved upward.  He kept leaning backward.  We finally made it to the top step, paused to catch our breath and get our senses.  All the while I continued to say "you've GOT to lean your weight forward dear.  You are leaning back and its pulling us both. We are going to end up in a ball of bones and ooze at the bottom of the stairs"  He responded "I AM leaning forward."   So the Titans clashed again.  Nonetheless, we made it upstairs and got him into the tub.  Getting him out of the tub proved to be much more difficult.  He simply had NO strength today whatsoever.  I ended up having to get into the tub behind Roger and squat behind him to lift him up to the tub's edge.  We finally got him out and let him rest in our bed.  I had called for reinforcements (my brother and dad) to assist with the return trip down the stairs.  They showed up moments later and assisted with the trip back to the recliner on the main floor.  Not sure if this was just a bad random day, if he was exceptionally pooped, or if this is his poor body weakening. 

As I've mentioned before, Roger's voice is gone due to the paralyzed vocal cord.  He speaks in whispers only.  And lately those whispers have gotten even more faint.  So our ever resourceful friend Paul stopped by with a solution today!  (me thinks he has found a way to torture me and the cats) He set up an amplifier and microphone for Roger to use.  Now, he can give directions to me and "yell" at the cats and we'll actually hear him!  Hmmmm, a good thing....or a bad thing when the Titans are clashing.  :-)

Thats it for now.  Hope your world is what you want it to be. Ours is slowing down and getting a lot more quiet.
love, a & r