Happy Monday

The day was a descent day all things considered.  It was also a busy day.  Roger had another "good" nights sleep 11:30 - 5:00, then slept and work at 6:00 and 8:00.  Really good by our standards.  It was the same drill of waking having to void this phlegm stuff.  We are trying hot tea with ginger and honey before Roger goes to sleep.  Apparently ginger and honey are supposed to be natural help for controlling digestive issues.  Who knows if it works or not....still gonna keep trying. 

Roger spent most of the day in bed or in the recliner.  His pain was mostly under control and he was awake a good portion of the day. 

We had an appointment with Roger's oncologist today. He is going to follow Roger and be the primary doctor on his case verses the hospice doctor which is a very good thing in both our minds.  The hospice doctor will be the second.  We will continue to work with the hospice program and will have access to their services to use or not use as we are comfortable.  Today we gave Dr B an earful about our displeasure with the hospice workers and their attitude...."Unlimited access to pain meds...we'll whack you out of your mind to control your pain...so what if you are unconscious."  We were very clear with Dr B that Roger did NOT want to be unconscious.  He wants to experience as much of life as he possibly can with minimal pain.  The trade off of being "pain free" but UNCONSCIOUS was NOT acceptable.  We felt as though the hospice staff was a springboard to the "next phase"...and we are NOT there.    Dr B agreed with us and said he supported our position and would be happy to interface with the hospice staff or if we want facilitate transfer to a different hospice group.  Which we may end up doing.  I was pretty fired up with Roger's whispered support at my back.

We challenged the doctor (as we had with the hospice workers who seemed to dismiss us) that Roger's weakened state could be due to a multitude of things: the high dose of narcotics he is on, the fact he has been nearly bed ridden for 3-4 weeks, the fact he hasn't eaten much due to the high pain, etc.  The doctor agreed and said all of these factors, as well as the advancement of his disease could weaken Roger.  Having said that, Roger seems to be getting a little stronger.  He is getting up from the chair, bed, etc more on his own with little assistance than previously.  He is trying to exercise his arms and legs as much as he can using resistance bands to help.  In case you can't tell, I think my husband is somewhat of a superhero.  He has been battling cancer for over three years with constant pain, loss of weight, etc.  And yet, like the Energizer Bunny he keeps going.  Keeps trying.  He told the doctor today, "I'm not done".

Roger has been trying to eat more.  Today: 2 waffles with jam, 1/2 a hamburger with cheese, several cookies, 2 poached eggs with toast....that's a whole bunch for him!! 

Our ongoing "garage sale" continues with success all due to the tenacity of our friend Paul (thank you thank you Paul).  We had another happy sad sale.  This time, Roger's Mini Cooper.  It really made us both sad.  The right thing to do because it was no longer a comfortable car for Roger to drive or ride in.  Waaaaay too much of a zippy, rough sports car (a la go-kart on steroids).  But the car represented a whole lotta Roger.  Seeing it go, well made for a sad afternoon. 

Anywhooooooo, we are focusing forward.  Pushing all of our energy into strengthening Roger's muscles as much as we can, encouraging him to eat anything and everything he can/will, and keeping our mental/emotional energies as positively focused as we can.  Life aint easy.  Life with cancer, really aint easy.  But, its easy to love your people and we do that.  And its really really easy to love your person... and we both do that. 

Sending special hugs and thanks to our family and friends who have continued to rally behind/beside us.  Thanks for all the food, drink, assistance, errand running, etc.  Thank you thank you thank you.  The words arent sufficient but all we have to offer at this time.  Well that, and our love and admiration.

~a & r