Apparently I'm not very good at keeping my promise.  So, I won't be promising anything anymore.  Might make a random statement here or there but I won't be promising.  In my last post, I said I'd post more regularly.  I think I even said the next day or two.  Nope, that didn't happen.  Reasons for broken promise:  1)  we have still be trying to get Roger's pain under control (unsuccessfully), 2) we were busy with family from all parts of the country at a family gathering, and 3) just overwhelmed with things to do. 

Our visit with family was wonderful.  I think the distraction of aunts and uncles and cousins was good for Roger.  Exhausting, but good as a distraction from the moment of pain.  The family was respectful of his space and his constant state of exhaustion.  So it would typically be just one or two people sitting with Roger.  The rest of the fam was off melting outside playing yard games, eating, boating, etc.  Everyone was also very good at letting Roger rest on his own.  It was bitter sweet as many of the family hadn't seen Roger in well over a year.  His physical and mental transformation in this period has been substantial... thus the bitter part.  The sweet sweet moments were the stories shared, laughs shared and just time spent together.  I'm incredibly grateful everyone took the time and made the effort to venture to little ol' Indiana. 

As for the pain, we are STILL working on that.  New pain meds FINALLY came in today.  Roger now uses this spray stuff under his tongue every 2 hours as needed along with his patches.  The spray can be dosed 1-3 times within this 2 hour space.  So far, we haven't noticed any appreciable difference.  I called the doctor's office and put them on notice.  We will try this for a couple days ...if there is no improvement, they need to come up with a new plan.  Roger simply should NOT be suffering as much and as long as he has been.  We are going to push up for a pump with a slow drip of pain meds if we don't see an improvement or change of plans.  The pain is consuming Roger.  He either sleeps or sits with a grimace on his face from the pain.  WE * HAVE * TO * GET * THIS * UNDER * CONTROL. I'm concerned about the toll its taking on Roger's emotional disposition.

Roger - we - have had a few very difficult emotional days recently. The reality of where we are is staring us....staring Roger straight in the face.  Last night he was getting ready for bed and came back to the bedroom with full emotion.  Through the tears, he shared the horror he felt from looking at himself in the mirror with no shirt on and how much he had simply evaporated.  All you can do is hold onto each other.  Let the tears flow and let the moment pass.  Not easy.

We are both exhausted lately. Roger's sleep has been interrupted due to pain.  He usually wakes at 2:00 , 4:00, and 5:00 or 6:00 am.  Takes another dose of pain meds, sometimes has to throw up. We rearrange all his pillows and then he settles back down and eventually drifts back off to sleep.  I have renewed respect for parents with new borns who dont sleep. 

Roger is now on the fence about getting a new car.  I've told him "no" is not an option and we need to get the car.  If it gives him a day, a week, a month or a year of happy moments then the acquisition is worth it.  Completely worth it.  We think we've found one that meets all of Roger's criteria.  Working on the logistics now. 

Well, gotta go. Roger has taken his ambien and I have limited minutes to get him upstairs before he starts getting difficult. 

Hugs to all.  Hope all is going well in your worlds and that you're enjoying the break in the ridiculous heat.   ~ a & r