We are a funny (not hilarious funny, but more on the side of odd funny) couple.  We're both wildly independent and yet sooo tied to each other. Its not that we have endless laughs or deep conversations or solve any of the world's problems when together but rather we sink into each other like you sink into an old pair of shoes.  Um, I just compared myself to old stinky shoes...what has happened to me?!?!?!   Last night when we went to bed Roger said "Do you think you can take some extended time off or if you ever changed jobs do you think you could take a month off?  I do so much better when you are next to me and I do better when its warm.  The numbness in my hands and feet is so much less.  And to be honest, I just want you with me."        Ok, I don't care how much a workaholic I may be, he simply melted me on the spot.  How do you say "I really need to work as much as I can....when all you really want to say is, I'll spend every waking and sleeping moment with you.  Squeeze out every moment of the day to be with you." So I simply said I love you more than words and will find a way to spend time with you in the sun. 

And speaking of sun....wherethehell is that illusive ball of fire? Storms blew through, literally and figuratively, the past couple days.  My friend Lorna's in-laws have been hit hard in southern Indiana in Henryville.  I think the city was almost wiped off the map. Their family had five houses in the area....now it sounds like there are only two.   Hard to believe it was absolutely beautiful just a couple days prior. 

The past two nights have been ok for Roger.  He has managed to squeak out 3-5 hours of solid sleep.  OH HAPPY DAY....or rather OH HAPPY NIGHT!!  The early morning (4:00 am) and on were rough.. Up down up down, thrash around.  Finally he gave up at 7:00 and went downstairs to the sofa.  And then the rest of the house started to stir...four-legged fur monsters including one pitiful four-legged patient wearing a plastic cone around his head (to prevent tearing out stitches) commanding attention and food.  So, guess who else got to get up?  :-)

Roger has a CT scan in the next couple weeks followed by a meeting with the oncologist on the 19th to review test results.  This is a "regular" quarterly scan.  The purpose being to check how well the previous chemo treatments have arrested the cancer's growth.  As you can imagine, we both, but Roger especially has a growing anxiety and sense of dread.  With each scan, I think (more like I know) we relive the horror of finding out Roger had cancer in the first place and then last summer finding out the cancer had returned and spread.  A really really, REALLY bad version of deja vu.  I wonder if that growing anxiety isn't partially feeding some of the pain and discomfort Roger has right now.  And for that matter, some of the pain in my back and chest.  Stress and anxiety are two pretty powerful emotions. 

Agenda for the weekend:  getting the house pulled back together post travels, laundry, basement project with Roger, clean the fish tank...etc etc etc.  Weather doesn't look too promising so I think we may be staying inside for the most part. Maybe a movie.  Put some normal into an otherwise not so normal world. 

Hope all is well with you.   love, a&r