The aftermath of sleep deprivation combined with pain killers

Once again, I had high expectations for today. With Roger coming off the ventilator yesterday...I think it was yesterday....the days are starting to blend together. So anyway, with him off the ventilator and off the propafol & haldol, I expected him to be chirpy and so much better. Unfortunately, he was not. He slept a good portion of the day. When he was awake, he was dazed and confused. He had hallucinations about anything ranging from drywallers and drywalling to rain coming down from the ceiling in the hospital room, and so on and so on.

As you can imagine, I was a little discouraged. I honestly believe he'd be back to his goofey old self....not the case for today. The nurses & doctors are going to tweak the pain meds to see if they can't clear the fog while still managing to keep the pain at bay. Unfortunately, its not a black and white, straight forward formula. One of the toughest parts of his spacey, "out there" disposition is that he gets antsy and wants to get up and move...sit in a chair upright, go to the bathroom, etc. Problem is that he has two IV poles full of antibiotics, fluids, pain meds, liquid feeding and he has two containers into which the chest fluids drain...so getting in and out of bed is no snap of the fingers. Plus, Roger is no where near as strong as he was 2 weeks ago. He is shaky and wobbles when standing. And, no amount of suggesting that he needs to stay in bed, or in the chair until we have at least two people helping him up and helping him manage all the tubes, wires, and machines. It just doesn't register when you suggest, even suggest very strongly, "DUDE don't get up with out at least two of us here to help you !!!!!" I finally had to say, "look, if you don't wait until we have help, these nurses will alarm your bed and may resort to restraining you". He finally settled in.

Its just really bizarre. I just heard something drop to the floor and looked over at him and asked "what was that?". He responded "a bird just flew in." I went over to the other side of the bed to find the pain button on the floor. As I bent over to pick it up, he said "see? here it is, the bird"...he was holding the edge of a fleece blanket. Really really freaky.

We have moved back to the second floor, the surgical recovery floor (non-ICU). Its quieter and will have less intensive nursing monitoring. We have a room at the end of the hall away from the nurses station. It should mean a quiet night of sleep if I can get him to calm down and go to sleep. Its a larger room that is much much more comfortable with a big window. They brought in a cot for me. I'm looking forward to stretching out as opposed to being squished up in a ball between two chairs.

The other big event for the day was that Roger sipped clear liquids AND had a little sherbet. (the tests confirmed that the leak was fixed) I know its not a ton - just tiny little amounts but it was monumental knowing where we were a couple days ago. There is a chance that the surgeon may take out the two chest tubes tomorrow. I think that would give Roger immense relief. The tubes are hugely uncomfortable.

Time is in a warp. We're both (especially Roger) losing track of the days/hours/minutes. Its hard to believe that we've been here for over 15 days. I'm hopeful we'll be out by the end of the week or the first of next...provided Roger is healthy enough to handle it. I think it would perk him up immensely to be home with his stuff and around the cats and fish. Maybe we'll be ringing in the new year from our living room. That would be the best way to send out a year that we'd all like to forget and welcome in a new one full of promise of "bigger and better".

~ A.