We managed to get to the other side of the hohoho holiday. All in one piece. Roger most likely a few pounds lighter and a whole bunch grumpier. Here it is late Monday evening, and he STILL doesn't feel better. As if chemo weren't bad enough, Roger is also battling kidney stones again. Again. Really? Honest to goodness, this is just maddening and pretty freakin' exhausting to poor Roger. He has taken two baths today alone in an effort to offset the pain and discomfort (from chemo and from the kidney stones). Nothing seems to work. If he isn't able to pass the stone soon, we may need to make yet another all-too-familiar trip to the hospital.
Christmas day was super quiet. Roger was pretty miserable. Less bad than the day before but still horrible. Again, we measure life in degrees of bad....not degrees of good. He spent the entire day on the sofa sleeping or staring mindlessly at the tv. I finished wrapping a few xmas gifts for a belated Christmas with my family and then did some work including driving out to some industrial properties to take photos of some industrial buildings I'll be selling after the first of the year. It was a sunny day so it was time well spent. I had every intention of baking up a storm of sweets and goodies which I was SURE would appeal to my sweet-loving hubby. HA! The warped twisted game we know as chemo had other plans. As I ticked off some of the recipes I planned to bake, Roger declared with much emotion "UGH!!! all we have are sweets and sugar and chocolate. UGH. " I turned and looked at him as though he had sprouted two more heads on his shoulder and responded, "Hmmm, ok. So NOW you don't like sweets. OK. That's fine. That's today. I'll hold off on baking and will definitely hold off on disposing of any of the sugar-filled yummies until your system has had a few more days to recover. Because as you and I both know, today you may not like pecan rolls, or cookies, or whatever (all that you liked a only a couple days ago).... tomorrow you'll be craving exactly that which you proclaim to hate."
I took a deep breath, chanted a few yoga chants to myself and silently put away my cookbooks and all the ingredients I had set out in preparation for the baking extravaganza.
We have given Roger fluids every day since he started chemo. I know we can confidently say, he has no pain/discomfort from dehydration. I naively thought he might be feeling better sooner because of the reduced chemo combined with a regular increased level of fluids. Stupid girl. Stupid girl. This is NOT your first rodeo. Put your optimism in your pocket and focus on the here and now. The here and now is one very sick, very uncomfortable, very unhappy hubby who is trying to "slug it out" to get to the end of this miserable chemo train. Having said that, don't expect me to put my goofy, silly, cheerleader-side of me out to pasture. Oh, hell no!!!!
The week will be quiet. Roger will continue to climb out of the chemo hole. I'll be working though some of that time may be working from home remotely. Hard to believe we are staring another New Year in the face. 2011 evaporated before our eyes. I'm not sure I want to reflect much about the past year. It was simply brutal. We did, however, continue to feel the love and support of family and friends near and far. Whether through posts to the blog, emails, calls, texts, or sending positive thoughts our way we knew all of you were out there cheering for Roger and sending healing vibes and prayers his way. I've been absolutely overwhelmed with the outreach and "touches" we have received over the last several weeks. People truly make a difference. I like to hope (but know better) that we have been outwardly gracious and thankful for all of the continued support. Knowing we have been undoubtedly remiss, I want to offer our sincerest thanks for EVERYTHING!!! Literally, everything.
Life is sorta on hold presently.Waiting for Roger to emerge from chemo hell. Waiting for the good days to return. We know they will return. Just gotta be super patient.
Hope ya'll had a warm wonderful holiday filled with loads of laughter and love and the warmth of family and friends. xxooxx ~ a & r
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