Temptation...

Summer has faded and fall has announced itself with a dreary week of wet weather. Frankly, I don't believe there was much of a summer to speak of. With the weather being so unseasonably wet and cold and then coupled with Roger's diagnosis...well, lets just write off this summer and count on having a much better one next year. Next year will be the year of celebrations - the completion of Roger's treatment AND his 50th birthday (though the picture inset would suggest his 10th birthday). There will definitely be some big

party but we also may plan some sort of destination celebration for those inclined to get-the-hell-outta-dodge.

Tomorrow is the end of week 3. Roger said he feels so much better than he has in weeks. The sore throat is still there though less, the pressure in his chest is much less. Ringing in the ears is still there though less. Its a really good week. His energy level is soaring. He is actually sleeping through the night (which is much welcomed by me). I think he's been able to settle into a routine...as much as he hates "routines" or "schedules". A little predictability right now isn't such a bad thing having completed 2 weeks of the scary unknown. Hopefully next week, Week 4, will be smooth sailing.

We had a moment of temptation last night...don't worry, nothing X-rated to follow. As we were talking about how well the treatment was going overall, we actually allowed ourselves to go down the path of "what if".... what if the chemo/radiation "killed" the cancer and there were no visable signs of it. What if? What if the doctors said "well, it looks like its gone. We don't see any need for surgery"...What if? It is a dangerous path of temptation to walk. This whole treatment process and ultimately surgery are counter-intuitive. Roger looks and feels well. Why should you have to undergo such a difficult treatment process, and such an invasive procedure when you don't feel sick? Purely academic questions obviously. We speculated on the thought of possibly avoiding the surgery but then came back to reality when we remembered that EVERY doctor (oncologist, radiologist, surgeon - at three hospitals) ALL said, "you should have surgery". The big deciding factor is the cancer gene that Roger (and his sister and nephew) carries. This gene mutation suggests that there is a greater likelihood that the cancer would return to the esophagus if not removed. So...be prudent now while you're better able to handle the surgery....or gamble that the cancer may not return and put off having the surgery....Hmmm, gambling with $$ is one thing. Gambling with your health and ultimately your life is another thing.

We met with a genetic counselor, Stephanie Cohen, last week. Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. First off, the woman was sooooooo geeked out on this stuff that you couldn't help but get excited. She has been doing this for over 10 years. She explained the concept of a gene mutation and the implications for the possible reoccurance of cancer and where it might present itself. As we were sitting there talking with her, asking her all sorts of questions...Roger paused and with great sincerity asked her "so do you discuss this kind of stuff over dinner?" All I could do was roll my eyes. The poor woman didn't know how to respond. No one had ever asked her what she discusses over dinner! Go figure, no one had ever asked that question. No big surprise. Roger's motivation though, aside from shocking the hell out of the woman, was to make an impression. He wanted to stand out in her mind so that down the road, if she happened to be reading something about the gene mutation in question, that she would think of him. And, if there were some new clinical trial or study going on, that she would possibly think to contact Roger. Ok, so maybe not the most orthodox approach to making an impression but I have to give him points for creativity. Life with Roger is always interesting. We learned that there are these things called registeries. We can sign Roger up for different registeries. His name would then be out there for different clinical studies or trials. The additional benefit is that Roger might get cutting edge tests/screening that insurance would not normally pay for. And, maybe just maybe, his involvement and others like him will help researchers figure out how to prevent the mutation or the cancer or identify it earlier...maybe eventually find a treatment.

We're ready for a wonderful weekend - rainy weather or not! Hopefully we'll be able to get a couple walks in.

much love, A&R