Here are a couple pictures from last weekend.  This is our boat.  As I briefly mentioned yesterday, we stayed with my parents at their river house.  Sunday Mom, Dad, and I cleaned the boat.  Roger unfortunately wasn't feeling well.  The movement on the boat from the various waves in the marina proved to be really difficult on Roger.  As you can imagine, your body tries to balance against the waves/movement.  If your core isn't strong...well, it takes everything out of you.  So, Roger rested on the sofa while we set about cleaning and knocking out projects he wanted done. The potential buyer we referenced previously is still interested in purchasing the boat.  We thought Roger might try to meet with the buyer this week.  He, the buyer, wants to do a sea trial (go for a boat ride) and then make us an offer.  Since Roger's voice hasn't returned, he hasn't gone down there.  A project for next week.  We want to sell the boat.  Roger has said the boat is simply too much for him any more, so....we need to sell it.  Sad or not sad. 

I do have a small funny for you.  I think I've told you before, I do not like (understatement....hate) spiders.  Its completely irrational, but its real.  I'm terrified of them.  It is a "boy" job in this house to deal with them.  In a moment of desperation, I will deal with the multi-legged monster.  This past week, a GIGANTIC, HUGE, UNNATURALLY LARGE spider was in our master bathroom.  OOOhhhhhHELLNO.  That was not going to do.  Roger, was downstairs ...I had come upstairs to run a bath for him.  So, the 8-legged beast lunged at me when I tried to whack it with my shoe.  It jumped to the roll of toilet paper.  I whacked it with my shoe only to have the monster fall to the garbage can below.  You and I both know, it was NOT dead merely stunned and I was sure plotting its revenge.  So, when Roger came up for his bath, I warned him there may be a monster lurking in the garbage can and that he, Roger, should keep a shoe handy...just in case.  Now my slightly abnormal fear of spiders comes naturally.  My dad does not like them either.  So much so that he closes the drains in the bathtubs and sinks  in their river house when they leave.  Well, despite my husband not feeling well.  He decided he was going to play a joke on my dad.  He captured the stunned monster in a zip lock bag and we took it with us to southern Indiana.  As mentioned, the drains were indeed closed.  So, when my Dad went outside, Roger took his little prize and released it in the bathtub knowing my dad would be coming in to take a shower.  Of course my dad came in a short while later.  The next thing we know, my dad is scurrying out of the bathroom to chase down a paper cup and piece of cardboard to get the spider out of the tub all the while saying "I just don't know how this spider made it into the tub!  The drain was closed"  We erupted into laughter and Roger revealed - through his whispered voice - that he brought the little present all the way from Indy just for my dad.

Today was busy and tomorrow will prove to be the same.  We had an appointment with Roger's pain doctor.  The doctor wanted to see how the new pain killer was working and what Roger thought of it....Roger didn't like it.  He asked about Roger's lost voice and referred us to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor. Appointment is tomorrow morning at 10:30.  Its a never ending process, but one I'll gladly do in an effort to find Roger some comfort and hopefully get his voice back.  He's soooooo quiet.  The house is sooooo quiet. 

Will let you know how the appointment goes tomorrow.  hugs, a

Another quick post

Haven't had the words to post.  Still don't tonight. Roger is sleeping more and more and eating less and less.  His voice hasn't come back and we are starting to wonder if it will.  He can whisper talk...but it seems to be difficult.  Fortunately the world now includes texting....may be a much better way to communicate with Roger at least for now.  Otherwise it is necessary to sit close to Roger.  Talking on the phone is virtually impossible. 

Will continue to look for the words to post tomorrow.  I have some pictures from the weekend when we went to my parents river house will post them tomorrow too.  We hung out with my 'rents and spent the night.  The next day the four of us went to the boat and worked on it. 

Trying to make sure we are getting to bed early to see if it will help rejuvenate Roger.  He was the one who suggested it. So, we are making a concerted effort to be in bed between 10:00 - 10:30.  I know you know what's coming next....time to shuffle us both off to bed.

much love, a & r

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home

Dorothy had to click her pretty ruby shoes together three times and repeat the same...there's no place like home.  We had to do a little more.... 45 min car ride to airport, 6.5 hour flight, long line after long line through customs, 3 hours layover, another flight, and then a car ride home....17 hours from the point we left our hotel, we finally, FINALLY got home.  And both of us breathed a huge sigh of relief as we walked in the door, sat on our comfy furniture and finally succumb to the long day by crawling into bed at 10:00.  There truly is NO place like home.

I looked back at a couple of the prior posts.  Sorry sorry sorry.  Typos, wrong words, you name it.  Apple Ipad and freaky-malfunctioning Internet service do not make for a good blogging formula.  Hopefully you could figure out whatthehell I was trying to say. 

I am happy to report it appears we did not lose a single item (as far as I know).  I don't think anyone picked our pockets.  Won't know if any technology or identity theft occurred for a little while. So, from that perspective, an OK trip.  We did manage to make a couple day trips out for 4-6 hours.  Saw a few tourist-y sights.  And most importantly, Roger did not land in the hospital.  A concern he expressed the day before we left (timing???!!???). 

Here are a few pictures...now that I have my faithful, trusty ol' PC back under my fingertips.  (the above is on the "Eye" ferris wheel, so is the picture of big ben) 

As I mentioned earlier, we did do a couple big trips and as mentioned in a prior post, we went to the theatre twice (second play was very funny British humor).  The first photo is of Roger, his mother Jackie and his sister Denise.  This is at the first theatre. 

We went to a beautiful restaurant in Reading Sunday.  The restaurant is called the French Horn, its set on the Thames River. Simply beautiful.  Apparently the Queen's swans like to hang out in the river near the restaurant.  Yep, the Queen Mum has swans.  How royal, eh?  As I've mentioned before, Roger's mom is from England.  So, part of the trip was having the wonderful pleasure of meeting his mom's best childhood friend Pat and her husband Michael.  All in the included picture.  The food was scrumptious (isn't that a great word?) though waaay too much.  There is such a sad irony to yummy food and a leisurely meal when you have Roger because eating is so difficult for him and is so devoid of pleasure for him.

These pictures are from Winchester Cathedral in Winchester.  Beautiful place.  The architecture is breath taking.  Though I'm not particularly spiritual, I figured it couldn't hurt to make a donation and in return...light a candle and make a silent request for my husband. 

It was a very very big trip. Exceptionally ambitious and borderline insanity at some level. But, it was an important trip and we are both glad we made it.   Roger is simply exhausted... which I think he may have been whether we went or not.  He has also lost his voice.  Lost it about three days ago.  He was refluxing and aspirating three nights in a row.  We think this may have inflamed or irritated his larynx or voice box.  He literally has no voice.  I called the doctor's office today.  They agree its most likely due to the refluxing.  We're going to try adding another medication to see if it will help  According to the doctor's office, the increased refluxing and aspirating is part of the advanced stage of the cancer. 

Having a hard time getting Roger to eat much (and experienced the same on the trip). The count today is most of a McDonald's McGriddle, 1/2 an Arby's French Dip, a cookie, and now, a cup of soup (probably less than a cup).  And, its simply too late to eat any more.  We have a constant battle.  Me pushing food and nagging.  Roger ignoring me or sleeping through all the suggestions.  He knows he needs to eat but he also associates pain with eating so he is resistant to eating.  And so, his poor weak body continues to devour itself.  He tried to help me with watering the lawn this evening and just didn't have the core strength.  We managed a small walk around the block prior.  I'm hoping a little walking will help stave off the atrophy of his muscles. 

Too pooped. Gotta stop.  More tomorrow and over the weekend.  Cross you fingers Roger feels a little relief, a little less exhausted, and that a little happy shines on him.  I haven't seen much happy out of him in a while. 

I miss my husband, and am missing him more with each passing day.

Happy sad, sad happy

Its Tuesday night, 10:30pm uk time. We are settled in our room, as we have been since 4:30. I'm sitting here on top over the bed duvet, Roger is snugged under it. The magic box (tv) is on as usual. We moved rooms by the wy...much bigger room with room to breathe. Of course as is our way, we have had loads of Wethington luck....tv didn't work, Internet hasn't worked well for over 24 hours, and miscellaneous other little challenges. Normally not an issue if you are out exploring the city but when you don't feel well and are in the room all the time....all pretty significant. The hotel staff arranged for us to have high tea in our room this afternoon. Tea and cocktails and finger sandwiches (not sandwiches made of fingers...just foo-foo little sandwich bits with no crust), little yummy sweets and scones. So I munched on yummies, drank 2 cocktails and a couple cups of tea while I packed. Roger had a couple bites and looked at the tv around me packing. After packing, I ventured out for a walk. Took a picture of Buckingham Palace. Was wishing I had my favorite photo subject with me, but he was back in bed. So I only took one picture. Was going to teach it...but technology has decided you should use your imagination.

Apologies ahead of time, I'm typing one handed on the iPad. Roger woke for a minute. I gave him a kiss, he said , "I love your tender sweet kisses" then he closed his eyes again while taking my hand. So now we are holding hands and I'm hunting and pecking the keys while my sweet fragile husband sleeps.

We have had a couple big day trips. Yesterday we went with Roger's mom and sister south to Winchester Cathedral.
Had lunch at this restaurant, bldg built in the late 1400 early 1500 s. soooooo cool. But a very big day for Roger. 2hours in the car and then a train ride back. He collapsed at the end of the day. I will be posting more pictures once I get home to my good ol pc.....but for now will post a few iPhone pics. (nope, not posting pictures. Keep trying and it won't work. Figure it won't do any good to have a meltdown Over pictures. So, pics later.) Have a small funny for you at my expense. We noticed some of my iPhone pics were foggy. I couldn't figure out why. Roger at some point said, "do you still have a protective film on the back of your phone?". WHAT???? What feeaking film? You can probably guess the answer to this rather LATE question..... Ugh.

Today we took the underground train to Camden Market - two train transfers and we arrived in this mecca of grundge, tattoo shops, and booth after booth of stuff. Roger loves (loved) the area. Feels very artsy fartsy. I was apprehensive about the trip there but Roger wanted to show me. He had been there before. So, I blocked and tackled the crowd, holding hands with my fragile husband, pulling us both through the crowd. All the while taking inventory of our persons to make sure we hadn't lost anything. We had lunch at a restaurant which immediately didn't sit well with Roger. Had to find a spot where he could recline a little and let the cramps/pain pass. Fortunately we found a canal bank in the sun. He rested while I popped back and forth between him and the various vendors' booths. After about 30-45 min he felt better and we explored a little more together.Then made our way back to the hotel.

It's been a hard trip in so many different ways. Logistical practical stuff like our first tiny room, Internet issues, technology losses with the iPad, etc. then there have been the physical issues for Roger - pain, discomfort, exhaustion, body failing you when the mind remembers, etc, and then there has been the emotional issue for both of us. We both realize just how fragile Roger really is. We recognize the difference between what we used to do and what we can now do...or not do. It hit Roger really hard the first couple days. It hit me hard the last couple days. So it's been a happy sad, sad hay trip.

It's too hard to post tonight. Part technology and part emotion. Will post more tomorrow when I get back to better f'ing Internet connection. Ugh.

Had to share a picture of our room. I am literally standing at the door taking this picture. You can see the window at the end of the bed. The suit case is on top of the refrigerator. See? Cozy!! Thats Roger in bed. (stupid technology cuts his head off....I had all of him in the picture..ughhh!). I managed to get him up to go for a brief walk. He then came back to the room and I continued on to find some soup for him and other nibbles I thought he might eat.


Roger's sister, Denise, and I ventured out earlier for a brief walk around the neighborhood and over to Victoria Station. If nothing else it's been loads of fun watching the fashion. LOVE it! The four of us were supposed to go to lunch at one of my mother-in-laws favorite restaurants (she was born and raised here until she turned 18 and came to the US). Unfortunately Roger didn't feel up for it so we decided to stay back. We are hoping Roger has the energy to venture out in the next day or two to either Campden or Portobella Road markets and the maybe a river cruise and or tour of the tombs under Westminster. Or, if need be we will continue to familiarize ourselves with daytime Brit tv. Actually I do love their show TopGear - it's car related but is really entertaining despite the car subject matter.


Since I venture out solo alot lately, I've been able to discover some yummy little delicatessens in the area. There is an Italian one just around the corner. Was able to get a bit of cheese, salami with white truffle (ummmmm, yum!!) and.....need I say....wine. I only drink it for the benefit of my heart (red wine) and the benefit of my lungs/breathing (white wine). Purely medicinal purposes.


Below picture is a pair of Roger's snazzy socks. We had to pack every pair of wool and every pair of snugly socks he has. He thinks these socks express his artistic side. I told him I think they make home look like a dork. We've agreed to disagree. ( though, as is always the case....I know I'm right)


Happy Saturday. We are off to the theatre tonight. Think happy funny comedy thoughts ! Can't handle another drama. :-)

We have a couple days under our belt here in London. Lots of adjusting. Adjusting to the English and Irish accents not to mention the Slavic and Indian accents. Adjusting to the time difference (hits me at 2:00 a.m. Uk time). Adjusting to the food...peas and potatoes with almost everything. Roger had an omlette today for late lunch. It came with peas (?) and french fries (?). He has not been eating well. We finally stopped at a local market to purchase peanut butter and cracker for him and, um, wine for me. We are Olympic contenders with our nutrition consumption!! You and I already know I'm on various nutritionist's most wanted list as a nutrition felon. Additional adjusting: technology....I changed to an iPhone before we left and I borrowed an iPad from my family's business - two huge mistakes, or rather frustration accelerators. Adjusting to our hotel/room - as is the case with most London accommodations, the room is TINY. We have a queen size bed in a room the size of a kingside bed. Every day we do this dance when we get up, who is going on what side of the room. The bathroom and closet are down 4 stair..again we take turns going to this area. The other adjustment is the hotel is actually a converted old row house. Very quaint however NOT very quiet. When people walk down our hallway, our bed literally jumps with each stomp stomp stomp of their feet. We can hear every conversation. Its pretty humorous except in the morning when you are trying to sleep. I about came unglued this morning as the hotel staff started its morning routine at 8am outside our door. REALLY, 8 A.M.????? Roger in his ambiem fog misses most of the nonesense. Me, on the other hand, I may turn into an ax murderer from interrupted sleep and extreme annoyance. The trip has proven to be much more emotionally charged than I had ever anticipated. Any time you go on a trip with your favorite person anywhere, let alone to a foreign country you have some image conjured in your mind about the trip. Maybe its based on some prior trip, or maybe its based on a movie, who knows. Anyway, it probabably includes laughter, good food/drink, seeing sights and just a general carefree sense of being. We haven't really had much of any of that. We have spent quite a bit of time in the hotel room because Roger hasnt been up to extended trips out and about much. We do what we can and then head back to chill out. As you can imagine, its pretty daunting. Its especially hard when you think of what you used to be able to do compared with now. Roger has been consumed with that thought and emotionally crushed by it. Ive told him, we cannot live in the past, a world of "used to" serves us no purpose. We live in this world and looking back to another world will only suffocate us. We have had some emotionally charged conversations. And all too weird, I honestly never thought we would. I thought we'd get here and be charged with energy and would have tons and tons of fun. So, in the world we live today, it means we take each day as it comes and if that means we have to go back to the room to take a nap or lay down...then so be it. The photo above is of us on the "Eye" ferris wheel. We were able to see a majority of the city. Very cool. We took the photo a couple days ago. Roger's mom and sister got here yesterday. We went to the theatre with them last night. A major undertaking for Roger. It was a one man show called Misterman. It was very good in that it was one actor who kept you entertained but it was distrurbing in that it was some psychcotic character who had been abused and had multiple voices in his head which caused him to act out violently. Not exactly light humor for an evening at the theatre. We are supposed to go again tomorrow evening and its supposed to be a comedy.....cross your fingers.. Gotta stop for now. Its about 8 million degrees in the room and I'm melting. Roger is snug as a bug under te duvet. So, I dont want to dial the temperature down in the room or open a window. Instead, to cool down, I need to go downstairs and lay in the cold tub. Sounds silly but this is our world. At least when I'm home, I can turn a fan on in front of me to cool down. AUUUGGGHHHHHH, I just did a quick preview of the post. And the bloody posting (getting into the Brit way of communicating) shows up as one ginormous paragraph. I have NOT lost my senses. I have NOT lost proper use of the ENglish language. The blinking technology (Ipad) does not want to interface with the blinking blog site. AUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, add your own punctuation, paragraph separation, hell, add your own embelishments as you see fit. I am NOT going to tackle technology this trip. Will focus on and nagging my husband. its 12:30 a.m. d he is, as usually slumped into a ball snoozing. Love and hugs to all. Have some potatoes and peas with all your meals. Go the British way!!!

Exhaustion

Its been a tough couple weeks. Nah, it's been a very difficult couple weeks. Doctors apps, test, nerves raw, tons and tons to do and never enough time or energy. Roger has steadily felt worse and basically crashed over the weekend. No energy. Felt bad. Hardly moved from his chair. He slept a lot and sank into a funk. This as the backdrop. We had looming the trip to London - departure on Monday (yesterday). As I was running around around the house cleaning, packing for both of us doing laundry, getting the cats ready, paying bills etc at 9pm saturday Roger asked when I was going to have time to get the paperwork together for the couple who are buying one of our rentals. My head literally spun on my shoulders. I kept working and then finally collapsed on the sofa around 11. At that time Roger shared with me he didn't think he had the energy to do the trip. Again my head spun. Not because I minded but because in the 11th hour he shared this with me. He was worried about the money. Not an issue. Not a consideration I responded. We had an emotional conversation and agreed we would wait until the morning and he would decided. I am posting this entry from our hotel room in London. Roger is asleep. He spent most of the airport commute time in a wheel chair which was smart for us. He could not have walked ohare or heathrow airports. We used credit card points and were able to fly first class so he was able to actually lay down and sleep for a good part of the trip. We spent a lot of time in the travel lounges thanks to our tickets so that helped reduce the impact of hustle and bustle. Once we arrived at the hotel (after the car driver was lost for over an hour) we took a couple hour nap. To or row will be a lot of hotel room time which is fine. I will use the in-room hotel time to do work - email, catch up on projects, and make calls. (doesn't matter where you are you can always be plugged in). We built in buffer recovery days before roger's mom and sister get here. They arrive on the 17th. Once they are here we will play it by ear. He said he feels a little better but is absolutely exhausted. Ive been trying to hold the exhaustion at bay. Will probably succumb to it in a few minutes. This is a big trip. It probably registers as some level of insanity. He was determined to do it....so we are here. I'm wearing my wife-nurse-nag hat and have been on his case relentlessly to eat and drink water. Begrudgingly he is trying. Now, he's just sleeping. My apologies in advance. I will not even be trying to proof for content or typos. Back to not having enough time or energy. Hope to have some great pictures and stories to share! Take care of yourselves. Sending you international hugs. Angie and Roger

Birthday wishes

Remember those day when you were a kid and, oh my gosh, you got sooooo excited about birthdays.  The lead up to it, the big day... "oh happy day, its my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  And it didn't matter if you got endless gifts (of course that was better if you did...), it was your day...your birthday.  Have to admit,birthdays used to be my thing.  I LOVED them. Hell, there would have to be the entire month for my birthday month.    I loved my own birthday and I loved the birthday of my family and friends.  Now, don't fool yourself I wasn't the best at sending cards or giving gifts especially as life got more complicated.  I really did love birthdays.  Now, like the American Cancer Society says, we need to celebrate birthdays - any and all birthdays. It signifies life and living!

Lest I forget, thank you thank you to all of you who have sent b-day wishes to my favorite person, my skinny-mini husband.  He looked at me sideways tonight when I got home from work.  Why he got so many texts and emails and calls for his birthday...   :-)   ..... I didn't comment.  Love love love all of you for doing that.  There is absolutely NOTHING and I mean nothing on this  world like feeling special.  AND all of you made Roger feel special.  So thank you again.

His day was a busy one as was mine but in different universes.  I was up by 5:30 and busy working on projects, out the door shortly thereafter.  Roger met with the landscaper (having some cool yard stuff done). Then his mom and her significant other, his sister  and his brotherinlaw came over late afternoon, then my parents came over this evening.  Busy busy busy.  Now unfortunately the various gods were not on his side and our hero Roger felt crappy.... again.  Can you imagine how daunting it is to feel sooooo poorly sooooo much????  When he is annoying (sorry but all you spouses out there - male or female - ya'll all annoy your partner at some point) I ask myself "how would you behave or what would you do if you haven't felt good for three years??"   Hmmmmm, easy one.  I'd be a stark raving BEOTCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday marked yet another of many many many doctors' appointments.  We met with Dr. Leagre, Roger's radiation oncologist (ONLY two hours after we arrived for his appointment...really).  He is "newer" in Roger's line up of doctors.  Kinda an odd dude, but has this really cool vibe and is uber intelligent.  He reviewed the same test results Birhirray had.  They had the same review.  Leagre was, however much more focused on the here and now and what it means in light of the test results.  A refresher:  the test results showed some of the the brain tumors have reduced in size,  some where no longer visable.  Whats that mean?  The radiation had positive impact.  Good stuff.  The doctor was downright enthusiastic the results were positive.  I asked him, what he anticipated.  He said the results could easily have shown no impact or the tumors could have grown.   So, with the positive impact of the radiation, he said he wanted to focus on nutrition or at least attempt.  He speculated if Roger had more meat on the bones, maybe, just maybe he might feel a little better and maybe just maybe the imaginary timeline (whatever the hell it is, whoeverthehell makes it) might be extended.  And just like that, we are back to trying nutrition drinks and energy bars and anything which might put meat on the bones.  i think I'll only buy one or two every now and again.  Won't even tell you how much of this stuff I've thrown away. Roger doesn't seem to like any of it, but has renewed energy to try. Yet again, we will try.

I vowed to get to bed early tonight.  Two presentations tomorrow and way to much to do to get ready for our trip next week (yes, NEXT week).  Where oh where does the time go? 

night-y-night or is that nite-e-nite?  you get the pictures.

Cross you fingers tomorrow is better for Roger and put int a little wish/hope my presentations go well. 

xxooxxoo ~ angie and roger




. 

I thought I had posted since last Friday...but apparently not.  I just went back to double check.  Too weird.  I really thought I had posted.  Time just seems to disappear and the days blend together.

Its Tuesday the day after Monday (you should be saying, um, DUH).  I'll have to be quick.  Same ol' story as before.  I'm woefully behind on a million projects and the clock is still ticking away.  So, I'll cut to the chase.  Monday we met with Dr. Birhirray, the oncologist.  He had the MRI and the CT test results from Friday.  And as anticipated, Roger still has cancer.  The MRI revealed the tumors in Roger's brain have reduced in size.  Can't say if the number has reduced any or not but the good news is the tumors have shrunk.  What's the bad news?  (does there always have to be bad news?)  The tumors in Roger's chest have grown.  They haven't doubled or anything like that but they have grown in size.  So, as has been the case for a long time, no real peace or easing of mind.  Just the status quo.  Up down up down.  We didn't really discuss treatment options per se.  The only option is chemo for the chest tumors and chemo was impossibly hard on Roger and almost landed him in the hospital.  We all have fears, including the doctor, that Roger couldn't tolerate chemo again.  We are going to go back in 6 weeks and will see what the world is at that point.

Tomorrow morning is meeting with the radiation oncologist.  We'll see what he has to say.  Obviously his focus is the radiation part of treatment.  I don't believe more radiation is an option at this point.  Tomorrow will tell more. 

Its a short post.  Roger is slumping over in his chair across from me and I have a pile of files needing attention next to me.  Time to scoot him off to bed and circle back to my files. 

hug yourselves from us. 

A long Friday

The day started at the oncology center this morning at 8:45 am.  We reported as the orders instructed to the oncology center promptly to register for Roger's CT scan and MRI.  As our luck would have it, someone in the doctor's office somewhere screwed up.  We were NOT supposed to be at the oncology center.  We were supposed to be across the street at the hospital.  Our nurse buddies called around to confirm WHERE we were supposed to be all the while apologizing profusely for the confusion.  Roger noted ,as he has so many times over the last three years, the "failure" in the medical system is the human element.  Scheduling associates, and nurses, and doctors all have bad days, days they argue with their children or spouses, days where the car gets a flat, etc etc etc.  And that human element is what you, or your health care advocate needs to watch for or try to anticipate. 

We schlepped ourselves back out to the car and popped across the street for the start of our very long day.  Roger had to have an IV line inserted so that they could inject contrast dyes and other "stuff".  He had to drink three cups of some mystery stuff which helps the tests detect the cancer.  We started on the main floor of the hospital in the radiology department.  Were there from 9:00 - Noon for the CT test.  Then we made our way through the hospital hallway maze down to the basement where MRI is located.  We finally left the hospital around 1:30 - 2:00 and then had to go out and forage for food.  Poor skinny Roger hadn't eaten since the night before.  Happily, all the tests are done.  We meet with the oncologist on Monday for test results and then meet with the radiation oncologist on Wednesday. 

As you can imagine, we found ourselves very anxious and twisty yesterday, last night, and most of this morning.  As we were waiting in the MRI area, Roger was sitting in one of many horribly uncomfortable hard waiting room chairs with his eyes closed, head drooping.  I asked how he was doing and he said "I'm feeling really anxious, full of anxiety, and tense"  I responded, "do you want me to come over and sit on your lap and hold your hand?".....response, "um, NO".  Ok, so I then asked, "do you want to come over here and sit on my lap and hold hands?"....response, "um, NO.  But you can hold my hand from there".   Not nearly as much fun or cozy as what I was proposing but pretty nice nonetheless.  So we held hands until the technician came to get Roger. 

Roger has a new symptom...or maybe its just a thing...he noticed yesterday.  He was feeling dizzy most of the afternoon and all evening.  It didn't matter whether he was sitting or standing, he felt dizzy.  So, he spent most of the afternoon and evening yesterday sitting with his eyes closed.  Today, he did not feel dizzy.  We are both relieved.  The dizzy thing is a little concerning.  Hard to know if its blood sugar, pain medicine, or tumor related...or all the above.  We have a growing list of questions for the doctor.  Scary stuff.

Regarding the world's longest garage sale, the Wethingtons continue to divest themselves of more stuff.  Thanks to our dear friend Paul who has been the ebay and craigs list king.  The list of things to sell is slowly shrinking.  Mind you there's still a wholelottacrap to go, but its a start.  And with each item going, I can sense a bit more relief washing over Roger. 

Roger showed the boat on Tuesday.  The man and his wife who came to look at it apparently seemed to really like it.  They were going to go look at another boat in Tennessee over the weekend.  We'll see if we hear back from them and if so, how interested they are.  In the meantime, the plan will be to try to enjoy the boat as much as we possibly can.  Ironically, having said that, we will not be going south this weekend.  Roger said he is pooped with the drive and wants to stay home for the weekend.  I'm hoping he will take it easy.  He as been making more of a concerted effort to TRY to not over do it.  Not always successful but at least he's thinking about it. 

We think we may have a buyer for one of our rental properties.  OH HAPPY DAY!!!!!!!!  May have to sell on contract which doesn't thrill us, but its someone.  We'll know more in the next couple days.  That will leave us with one more rental property and we think we have a buyer identified for it.  Keep your fingers crossed.  Are we making as much as a normal person would?  No, most likely not.  But I'll tell you...peace of mind is priceless and I will do just about anything to help us find a little more peace. 

He hasn't tried his new drug yet.  He received a call back from the doctor's office about our concerns.  They said they would prescribe a lesser dose but maintained the higher dose is most likely more appropriate due to the length of time and the amount of pain killers Roger has been on.  So, Roger has decided he's going to give it a try but only during the day and when I'm around.  Just in case.   We'd like to believe medicine and science is uber precise, but it really isnt. 

We were both lost in thought quite a bit today.  When we finally were able to get lunch, we both sat quietly munching our food and chewing our thoughts.  The evening has been quiet.  Roger has been dozing.  I have been working.  My list of to-dos is a mile long so its probably just as well he has been sleeping. 

As usual, the clock ticks on and on.  Its a little past 11:30pm.  Roger's face is smushed into a pillow which we've tried to use as a "prop" to hold his head upward verses the full out slump.  From here I can hear the faint poof of him breathing against the pillow with a random snore mixed in here and there.  I've missed the "easy" window of getting Roger up to bed under the Ambien fog.  We'll still go upstairs to bed.  I just may have to tolerate/deal with Roger "waking" enough to engage in lengthy conversations about nothing or his wanting to fold laundry (ONLY when he's on Ambien...no other time!). 

Hope the weekend is a good one for you.  I'm trying to resist the overwhelming urge to buy tons of flowers and paint the yard with color.  May still have to squeeze in a LITTLE garden therapy.    hugs, a & snoozing r

Not much of a post tonight

Roger had a busy day. Did too much and was overwhelmed with exhaustion this evening.  And was a little grumpy. 

I had a busy day and am sitting here at 12:15 a.m. wishing the day were 12 hours longer.  Didn't get nearly enough done and am overwhelmed with the feeling of drowning in work.  And am a little grumpy.

We read up on the new painkiller his doctor prescribed for Roger.  Had to special order it at the pharmacy.  As we both read the page after page of microscopic print, we were first startled by the instruction that all patients should start with 100 mcg dosage (Roger's doc prescribed 400 mcg!).  Then we were startled...nope, wrong word....were freaked out/terrified/horrified when we read the side effects of the drug which first and foremost included respiratory FAILURE.  Ummmmmmm, your system basically goes to sleep and stops breathing.  FREAKY freaky stuff.  So, we decided he would wait until he calls the doctor's office to double check the dosage.  The problem is that Roger has been on so many painkillers for so long his system has a pretty high tolerance.  The doctor readily admitted he wasn't sure what dosage to prescribed because Roger's system was so used to the stuff.  Long story short, we'll wait to hear what the doctor's office says. 

Gotta rustle my hubby and scoot him off to bed.  its way to late for me.  My brain is fuzzy...more than normal....

Happy thursday.  xxooxx, a & r