Chemo is on board. Roger is fading fast. The house is getting more and more quiet as Roger sinks further into the corner of the couch. The cats have popped in and out of the room chasing each other. The sound of them sliding across the floor and crashing into the wall is the only thing breaking up the evening.
The day was a long one, but good...if you can say that when you know you are starting a fast decent to hell. We met with Roger's oncologist, Dr Birhirray (which is the standard process) in the morning and then started the infusion after the appointment. Dr. B came in with the CT test results....good news.... the cancer continues to be responsive to the chemo. Tumors are shrinking. Chemo is doing its job. Things continue to look better. Dr B said we could even consider reducing or possible consider stopping the chemo for now. The goal being to improve the quality of life which Roger hasn't have much of at all. Since the cancer is systemic (spread from his esophagus through Roger's system to other organs), we have to understand there is the real possibility of repeating this rodeo. Dr. B said because the cancer is in Roger's system, chemo may be a "forever" part of our, Roger's, life (that's a daunting thought!). So, we talked about some of the pros and cons of stopping or reducing the treatment and Roger decided, at least for this round, that he wanted to stay the course with the same dose and regime as last treatment. Talk about tenacity! As we sat in the infusion area, I told Roger how surprised I was that he didn't at least reduce the dosage let alone stop the treatment. He explained he wanted to get the most from the treatment and that we could discuss altering the treatment the next round. He indicated he wants to complete the full 12 treatments even if the dosage is reduced. Basically, he said if the choice is feeling better or living longer.....his words, "I want to live". Dr. B. said we could cut the really noxious stuff (oxalaplatim) in half - so you get the benefit of the continued treatment with less of all the horrible feeling. Apparently another challenge to cancer/chemo is the risk the cancer will become immune to the chemo. As if going through chemo weren't hard enough...you have to worry that cancer will "figure out" the treatment and become resistant to it. Cancer is a sneaky little bastard.
Mark your calendars...today was a good news day. We'll continue to ride the roller coaster called life. Please send Dramamine...I have a feeling its going to be a wild ride and I get motion sick.
As I sit here typing I'm looking over at Roger on the other end of the sofa. He is snoozing on and off and crumpling into a ball. I think its time to scoot him up to bed. G'nite. xxooxx, a
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Power of positive thought?
Its been an ongoing debate between Roger and me...how powerful is positive thought? Can't say that either of us has any conclusive thoughts or evidence supporting or refuting the power of positive thought but its been a continuing theme. I'm a big believer in thinking positive, even through the thickest of times. I will admit that the "level" of positive thinking may fade but it never goes out completely. And when the level does fade, I find that sheer tenacity kicks in at that point.
So this past Sunday we were watching CBS's Sunday Morning (aptly named for a TV program). One of the articles they presented was about the power or perhaps lack thereof of positive thinking. The story opened with three cancer patients/survivors who believed in positive thought: Lance Armstrong (naturally, the poster child for cancer and positive thinking, not to mention modern medicine), some pro-football player (who's name escapes me), and an "ordinary" person who has had three bouts of cancer. All said, with great conviction they believed a significant part of their beating cancer could be attributed to having a positive attitude. Naturally, to be a good story, they also had three people including doctors who said their was no conclusive proof that positive thinking helps. As the story played on and came to a conclusion - which was no conclusion - you have to decide if you think it makes a difference. We sat there quiet in thought. Roger finally said, "I think I've done a decent job thinking positively for the most part. Sure there are down days, but for the most part I think I've been relatively positive". The sheer fact he has stayed with the chemo throughout this long, painful period (which will amount to 7 almost 8 months) proves he has tenacity and yes, has had positive thinking. Does optimism and positive thoughts ooze out his pores? Um, no. But he's not Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms. I tend to be the cheerleader: go team, we can do this, lets think positive happy thoughts...and all that stuff. We're an odd couple, but it works for us. Yin and Yang? Two puzzle pieces that fit? Something like that.
Chemo day tomorrow. Treatment #9. Three to go. That's all I need to say about that.
Will find out the test results from last week's CT Scan. In theory, we should hear the cancer continues to shrink showing positive response to the chemo. I'll post tomorrow once we know more.
Roger has been a wild man around the house. Knocking out projects. Working on his model....or what may become our newest money pit. Roger revealed over the weekend when he was researching the build of the model and the motor, he found blogs about people (I'll be sexist here, men) who have invested nearly $20,000 in the build of their remote controlled airplane. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? I immediately responded and asked if said blogger was blogging from inside a mental institution. The only response back I received was...the look. But really? $20k for a MODEL plane? A hobby? Depending on your taste, that could be at least one new car. I won't even do the math on the number of new shoes. Anyway. Lets just call it insanity and be done with it.
Tonight will be putting up Christmas decorations inside the house. I may see if Roger wants to venture out to a tree lot to buy a tree. Its only going to get colder so I don't see any point in waiting to go out and cut down a tree when Roger emerges from chemo hell a couple weeks from now with all the aftermath of chemo's side effects still coursing through his veins. AND, the double bonus for ME...I'll have a sparkling Christmas tree to greet me every morning and every evening.
hugs to all. love, a
So this past Sunday we were watching CBS's Sunday Morning (aptly named for a TV program). One of the articles they presented was about the power or perhaps lack thereof of positive thinking. The story opened with three cancer patients/survivors who believed in positive thought: Lance Armstrong (naturally, the poster child for cancer and positive thinking, not to mention modern medicine), some pro-football player (who's name escapes me), and an "ordinary" person who has had three bouts of cancer. All said, with great conviction they believed a significant part of their beating cancer could be attributed to having a positive attitude. Naturally, to be a good story, they also had three people including doctors who said their was no conclusive proof that positive thinking helps. As the story played on and came to a conclusion - which was no conclusion - you have to decide if you think it makes a difference. We sat there quiet in thought. Roger finally said, "I think I've done a decent job thinking positively for the most part. Sure there are down days, but for the most part I think I've been relatively positive". The sheer fact he has stayed with the chemo throughout this long, painful period (which will amount to 7 almost 8 months) proves he has tenacity and yes, has had positive thinking. Does optimism and positive thoughts ooze out his pores? Um, no. But he's not Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms. I tend to be the cheerleader: go team, we can do this, lets think positive happy thoughts...and all that stuff. We're an odd couple, but it works for us. Yin and Yang? Two puzzle pieces that fit? Something like that.
Chemo day tomorrow. Treatment #9. Three to go. That's all I need to say about that.
Will find out the test results from last week's CT Scan. In theory, we should hear the cancer continues to shrink showing positive response to the chemo. I'll post tomorrow once we know more.
Roger has been a wild man around the house. Knocking out projects. Working on his model....or what may become our newest money pit. Roger revealed over the weekend when he was researching the build of the model and the motor, he found blogs about people (I'll be sexist here, men) who have invested nearly $20,000 in the build of their remote controlled airplane. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? I immediately responded and asked if said blogger was blogging from inside a mental institution. The only response back I received was...the look. But really? $20k for a MODEL plane? A hobby? Depending on your taste, that could be at least one new car. I won't even do the math on the number of new shoes. Anyway. Lets just call it insanity and be done with it.
Tonight will be putting up Christmas decorations inside the house. I may see if Roger wants to venture out to a tree lot to buy a tree. Its only going to get colder so I don't see any point in waiting to go out and cut down a tree when Roger emerges from chemo hell a couple weeks from now with all the aftermath of chemo's side effects still coursing through his veins. AND, the double bonus for ME...I'll have a sparkling Christmas tree to greet me every morning and every evening.
hugs to all. love, a
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Gobble gobble gobble
Happy day-late Turkey day! Hope you are sufficiently stuffed with yummy food (and drink), watched your fill of floating parade characters and high school bands, and shopped your little booties off for Black Friday...gotta support our economy, right?
We had a low key, uber mellow T-day which was totally groovy for both of us. Though I missed laughing and eating with the family, it was nice to chill. We drove south to my parents' river house in Vevay. Came down Thursday morning. Will probably head home sometime tomorrow. Roger wanted to work on our boat which is now moored close to my 'rents' place. So we loaded up the SUV with our cat Hemmy who is on medicine 2 x a day and made it down here early afternoon. (btw, cat in the car for 2 hours....not fun) Roger spent the afternoon on the boat working. I stayed back at the river house to work on a mess of stuff for the office, purge through magazines, pull together my xmas lists, and read books. For our spectacular Tday dinner...pizza and snacky food. Roger doesn't really dig turkey so no loss for him. I asked my folks to save back a little bird for me so that I could have a morsel of traditional T-day food.
Its super mellow down here and really just beautiful. The front of the house is floor to ceiling windows staring out over the river. Today, the weather was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Roger went to the boat to do more projects. I stayed back to replicate Thursday's activities with the exception of a walk into town. I think the temperature had to be the mid to upper 60's...really gorgeous. I would have preferred to have Roger in tow for the walk and meandering through Vevay but I know how grounded he feels on the boat and how much he wants to plow through projects when he feels good. So I elected to stay out of his hair (what hair he has) and stay back at the house. But for the last couple hours this evening, I didn't do any Black Friday shopping though I did manage to make a dent prior to jumping on the blog.
Roger has been working on a remote control airplane model I got for him many years ago for Christmas. The box was as big as me and the cost, well it was embarrassing when you say "model airplane kit". So Roger has started working on this thing in the workshop in the basement. I went down to check out his progress earlier this week (photo here). I about had a fit when I saw this elaborate "kit" was a bunch of STYROFOAM!!!! Seriously, I expected balsam (:) balsa(?) wood, carbon fibre, platinum plating or at least gold plating.....not Styrofoam. When expressing my concern of the product relative to the original investment, Roger just laughed and said "its a model. Of course its Styrofoam. That's the point. You BUILD it". Again, I was not getting it. Because not only was it Styrofoam but you had to whittle the foam into the proper molded shape. Whatthehell???? Anyway, my hubby seems to be happy as a clam working on this model airplane which will be as tall as me. The other shoe
to drop on this little hobby is the motor. I - stupidly...emphasis stupidly... thought this grand kit had everything. Was a complete kit. Um, no. Its just the shell of the plane, which will have to be fibre glassed and then tricked out with motor, etc. Care to render a guess on the cost of a motor for this little fun-fest? Me? I guessed a couple hundred bucks. Ha! Roger naturally wants a gas powered motor which can run as much as several THOUSAND dollars. WHAT?!?!?!?! I think he told me the high end to work on the shock factor and quickly said he thinks he's found something in the couple hundred dollar range.
In my catalog purging today I found the following saying. It was inscribed on a bracelet or something. I have no interest in the jewelry but thought the saying was nice...
Its super mellow down here and really just beautiful. The front of the house is floor to ceiling windows staring out over the river. Today, the weather was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Roger went to the boat to do more projects. I stayed back to replicate Thursday's activities with the exception of a walk into town. I think the temperature had to be the mid to upper 60's...really gorgeous. I would have preferred to have Roger in tow for the walk and meandering through Vevay but I know how grounded he feels on the boat and how much he wants to plow through projects when he feels good. So I elected to stay out of his hair (what hair he has) and stay back at the house. But for the last couple hours this evening, I didn't do any Black Friday shopping though I did manage to make a dent prior to jumping on the blog.
Roger has been working on a remote control airplane model I got for him many years ago for Christmas. The box was as big as me and the cost, well it was embarrassing when you say "model airplane kit". So Roger has started working on this thing in the workshop in the basement. I went down to check out his progress earlier this week (photo here). I about had a fit when I saw this elaborate "kit" was a bunch of STYROFOAM!!!! Seriously, I expected balsam (:) balsa(?) wood, carbon fibre, platinum plating or at least gold plating.....not Styrofoam. When expressing my concern of the product relative to the original investment, Roger just laughed and said "its a model. Of course its Styrofoam. That's the point. You BUILD it". Again, I was not getting it. Because not only was it Styrofoam but you had to whittle the foam into the proper molded shape. Whatthehell???? Anyway, my hubby seems to be happy as a clam working on this model airplane which will be as tall as me. The other shoe
to drop on this little hobby is the motor. I - stupidly...emphasis stupidly... thought this grand kit had everything. Was a complete kit. Um, no. Its just the shell of the plane, which will have to be fibre glassed and then tricked out with motor, etc. Care to render a guess on the cost of a motor for this little fun-fest? Me? I guessed a couple hundred bucks. Ha! Roger naturally wants a gas powered motor which can run as much as several THOUSAND dollars. WHAT?!?!?!?! I think he told me the high end to work on the shock factor and quickly said he thinks he's found something in the couple hundred dollar range. So any who, we're pretty easy goin' this week. The coming week is the ramp up for chemo treatment # 9 (three to go after this coming treatment). We will find out the results of Roger's CT scan last week. He is also giving physical therapy a whirl to see if it will help with his fast deteriorating posture and his neck/spine issues. I was hoping he had a hot little cute therapist which would motivate him through the therapy. He won't confirm or deny. Lots going on. The good weeks have certainly helped us both. A little recharging of the batteries.
In my catalog purging today I found the following saying. It was inscribed on a bracelet or something. I have no interest in the jewelry but thought the saying was nice... "What Cancer Cannot Do...
It cannot
invade the soul,
suppress memories,
kill friendship,
destroy peace,
conquer the spirit,
shatter hope,
cripple love,
corrode faith,
steal eternal life,
silence courage."
Enjoy the weekend. Shop a little to rev the economy. Hang some holiday decorations to get the spirit jump started. And above all else, love your people
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Oh what a difference a couple days can make
As you've read, the week was rough. I'm happy to report that the weekend was much much better. Roger still had moments of exhaustion, and pain, and nausea...but overall said he was feeling much better than he had at the start of the week. Its a relief for both of us. His constant pain and discomfort weighs heavy on him and on me...so the lift of the cloud is much welcomed. Its funny how perspective can change. Roger just laughed and said "its pretty bad when you consider it a 'good' day because you have only vomited once during the day. We keep adjusting our standards". Nonetheless, it was a good day. Full of Roger personality & bunches of laughs. Several wildly inappropriate laughs...definitely Roger in Roger-form.
We spent Saturday just vegging. Roger slept a good part of the afternoon. I worked on paperwork, skimmed through catalogs, worked on Christmas lists, and read books. Saturday evening we worked on a puzzle. Its a puzzle I've been working on for the past week and was about to give up when he jumped up and started picking through pieces and working the puzzle. The clock ticked a way. Cats kept trying to get our attention by walking across the puzzle....little puzzle pieces sticking to their feet as they walked through. We chatted away. Never made much progress on the puzzle but had a nice evening nonetheless. I finally waved the flag and said I surrendered. Couldn't do any more. Only to find out it was 1:00 a.m.!!! We were so absorbed with the puzzle. Never noticed the time. I'm waaaaay tooo old to be staying up that late. I figured a nap would have to be in store for today (Sunday)...not the case.
Today we spent the majority of the day working outside on Christmas lights. Roger usually starts coming up with ideas of how he wants to hang lights in October. Naturally, with Roger...you can't just do the same light design as last year. Ohhhhhhh no. Its gotta be something new. The original design was decided to be too physically intensive not to mention too $$$ intensive (he wanted to rent a cherry picker/bucket truck to hang lights! Really??). So Plan B involves lights cascading out of hanging baskets around the house amongst other things. As he got his design planned out and sorted through lights, I trimmed back all my perennial beds, put away miscellaneous flower pots and tucked the gardens in for the winter. I still can't believe its November on the eve of December!
We worked the day away until dark (had to see what the lights looked like!). With achy bones and damp coats and hats from working in the rain, we gave our joint artistic holiday effort a big thumbs up. I was in the process of oooohing and ahhhhing as the lights went out. "Hey!! What gives???? Why'd you pull the plugs??" Roger gave me the look and said, "We can't be the first on the block to turn on our lights." WHAT????? Who cares what the neighbors are doing or aren't doing???? Hello??? Holiday lights, happy happy! Call them November lights. They don't have to be Christmas lights! Again, I got the look. Fine. No lights until after Thanksgiving (that's as long as I'm waiting). Fortunately I only have a couple days to wait! As you can tell, I'm absolutely tickled we got our lights up. I thought there was a good chance we would not have lights this year. Not sure what we'll be doing about a tree. Usually we make a day-trip or overnight trip to southern Indiana to a tree farm and cut down our own tree. With Roger riding the chemo wave, I don't think we'll be able to make the trek. Playing it by ear.
As mentioned above, Roger seems to be doing better as the week wore on. He has been eating more. He even cooked breakfast for us today! That hasn't happened in a very very long time. Appetite has definitely been up. Can't say that his weight has increased much but we're working on it.
Turkey day is on its way. Not sure what we're doing for the holiday. Its a particularly crummy holiday for a person who doesn't enjoy eating. We'll see. Depends on how he is feeling.
Have a great Monday.
hugs, a & r
We spent Saturday just vegging. Roger slept a good part of the afternoon. I worked on paperwork, skimmed through catalogs, worked on Christmas lists, and read books. Saturday evening we worked on a puzzle. Its a puzzle I've been working on for the past week and was about to give up when he jumped up and started picking through pieces and working the puzzle. The clock ticked a way. Cats kept trying to get our attention by walking across the puzzle....little puzzle pieces sticking to their feet as they walked through. We chatted away. Never made much progress on the puzzle but had a nice evening nonetheless. I finally waved the flag and said I surrendered. Couldn't do any more. Only to find out it was 1:00 a.m.!!! We were so absorbed with the puzzle. Never noticed the time. I'm waaaaay tooo old to be staying up that late. I figured a nap would have to be in store for today (Sunday)...not the case.
Today we spent the majority of the day working outside on Christmas lights. Roger usually starts coming up with ideas of how he wants to hang lights in October. Naturally, with Roger...you can't just do the same light design as last year. Ohhhhhhh no. Its gotta be something new. The original design was decided to be too physically intensive not to mention too $$$ intensive (he wanted to rent a cherry picker/bucket truck to hang lights! Really??). So Plan B involves lights cascading out of hanging baskets around the house amongst other things. As he got his design planned out and sorted through lights, I trimmed back all my perennial beds, put away miscellaneous flower pots and tucked the gardens in for the winter. I still can't believe its November on the eve of December!
We worked the day away until dark (had to see what the lights looked like!). With achy bones and damp coats and hats from working in the rain, we gave our joint artistic holiday effort a big thumbs up. I was in the process of oooohing and ahhhhing as the lights went out. "Hey!! What gives???? Why'd you pull the plugs??" Roger gave me the look and said, "We can't be the first on the block to turn on our lights." WHAT????? Who cares what the neighbors are doing or aren't doing???? Hello??? Holiday lights, happy happy! Call them November lights. They don't have to be Christmas lights! Again, I got the look. Fine. No lights until after Thanksgiving (that's as long as I'm waiting). Fortunately I only have a couple days to wait! As you can tell, I'm absolutely tickled we got our lights up. I thought there was a good chance we would not have lights this year. Not sure what we'll be doing about a tree. Usually we make a day-trip or overnight trip to southern Indiana to a tree farm and cut down our own tree. With Roger riding the chemo wave, I don't think we'll be able to make the trek. Playing it by ear.
As mentioned above, Roger seems to be doing better as the week wore on. He has been eating more. He even cooked breakfast for us today! That hasn't happened in a very very long time. Appetite has definitely been up. Can't say that his weight has increased much but we're working on it.
Turkey day is on its way. Not sure what we're doing for the holiday. Its a particularly crummy holiday for a person who doesn't enjoy eating. We'll see. Depends on how he is feeling.
Have a great Monday.
hugs, a & r
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Well, I just asked Roger what he wanted to say in the blog this evening. The response? "I don't really have anything to say". Hmmmmpfff. Fortunately for us, the chatty part of this duo (yours truly) always has something to say.
Its was a relatively mild day. Roger felt pretty poorly at the start of the day. By the time I got home this evening, he was up and moving around the house. Its a roller coaster weekly and daily. Funny thing is we used to LOVE roller coasters. I'm afraid not so much anymore. I can't believe I ever thought it was fun to feel your stomach drop. Nope. Not any more.
Roger has labs tomorrow and meets with his pain mgmt dr. The labs are routine after each chemo treatment. The meeting with the pain doc is to follow up on the MRI test Roger had last week. It will be interesting to hear what the doctor has to say and any prescribed treatment.
Next week Roger is scheduled to start physical therapy as well have his next CT scan to see how the cancer is responding to the chemo. You'd think we would get used to these tests. Doesn't seem to matter how often you have the tests, and how much you coach yourself to not be anxious or nervous, as the test day approaches and then as you wait for the text results, the anxiety grows and grows. I laugh at myself when I stop to think about how we carry the anxiety or stress with us all the time. I can preach but can't always follow my own words. My best example: I used to teach an evening adult learning class. As the students would pour into class after having finished a day of work, a day with the kids at home, they would come into class heavy with burdens. I'd tell each one to leave their troubles at the door and pick them up at the end of class. Use class as the mental vacation from those burdens. All those burdens and concerns will be waiting right outside the door....no one else is going to pick up or steal your burdens. HA! I can only imagine what they all thought when I said that.
During the day while the chemo is working its way through Roger's system, his companions are the cats. In particular Hemmy, and lately, Yoda. Today, Roger's little moment of bonding was with Hemmy. Roger said he was in the process of getting dressed. He was sitting on the bed. Getting ready to put his socks on. As he sat there, he said Hemmy jumped up on the bed behind Roger. Hemmy then stood up on his hind legs, with his two front paws on Roger's back/shoulders and preceded to sniff Roger's hair. Roger said it was the damnedest thing. Hemmy sniffed him for a minute or so, then got down from his shoulders and moved around to the front of Roger and sat down across his lap. Roger was lamenting how clingy the cats were getting with him home. I think its pretty cute.
So, not much going on here. Pretty quiet... as anticipated.
hugs to all. ~a & r.
Its was a relatively mild day. Roger felt pretty poorly at the start of the day. By the time I got home this evening, he was up and moving around the house. Its a roller coaster weekly and daily. Funny thing is we used to LOVE roller coasters. I'm afraid not so much anymore. I can't believe I ever thought it was fun to feel your stomach drop. Nope. Not any more.
Roger has labs tomorrow and meets with his pain mgmt dr. The labs are routine after each chemo treatment. The meeting with the pain doc is to follow up on the MRI test Roger had last week. It will be interesting to hear what the doctor has to say and any prescribed treatment.
Next week Roger is scheduled to start physical therapy as well have his next CT scan to see how the cancer is responding to the chemo. You'd think we would get used to these tests. Doesn't seem to matter how often you have the tests, and how much you coach yourself to not be anxious or nervous, as the test day approaches and then as you wait for the text results, the anxiety grows and grows. I laugh at myself when I stop to think about how we carry the anxiety or stress with us all the time. I can preach but can't always follow my own words. My best example: I used to teach an evening adult learning class. As the students would pour into class after having finished a day of work, a day with the kids at home, they would come into class heavy with burdens. I'd tell each one to leave their troubles at the door and pick them up at the end of class. Use class as the mental vacation from those burdens. All those burdens and concerns will be waiting right outside the door....no one else is going to pick up or steal your burdens. HA! I can only imagine what they all thought when I said that.
During the day while the chemo is working its way through Roger's system, his companions are the cats. In particular Hemmy, and lately, Yoda. Today, Roger's little moment of bonding was with Hemmy. Roger said he was in the process of getting dressed. He was sitting on the bed. Getting ready to put his socks on. As he sat there, he said Hemmy jumped up on the bed behind Roger. Hemmy then stood up on his hind legs, with his two front paws on Roger's back/shoulders and preceded to sniff Roger's hair. Roger said it was the damnedest thing. Hemmy sniffed him for a minute or so, then got down from his shoulders and moved around to the front of Roger and sat down across his lap. Roger was lamenting how clingy the cats were getting with him home. I think its pretty cute.
So, not much going on here. Pretty quiet... as anticipated.
hugs to all. ~a & r.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Deja vu all over again
Yep, its deja vu all over again. Chemo is on board and Roger is feeling pretty darn crappy. Roger describes the feeling as different but the same. He still feels like he has the flu on steroids but also has mega fuzzy brain to the point he feels dizzy. Today, he's been freezing. Can't layer on enough clothing, socks, blankets. He said he finally was able to warm up after submersing his hands under hot water. Of course, he still is nauseous. Unfortunately (or fortunately) its not our first rodeo....so, you hunker down, dig in....and just wait it out. I anticipate the "bad" day to continue through Saturday. Hopefully the cloud will lift on Sunday and Roger will have a good solid week of good days. Its frustrating as hell to know poor Roger is suffering through 2 weeks of hell to only have 1 week of decent days. He is a trooper and is pushing through. I'd like to hope I have the same tenacity but often wonder.
So, after this treatment....ONLY 4 more to go. Thank goodness. If we stay on track for treatment, Roger SHOULD be done by the end of January. Seems like a million years from now.
Hard to believe the holidays are on us. I don't anticipate doing anything for Thanksgiving. Its pretty hard to ask Roger to sit through a holiday focused on eating when he has NO enjoyment of food. In fact, eating is something he absolutely dreads because of the pain, possible vomiting, and just generally not feeling up to eating and socializing much. Now, all this may change if the good week happens to fall on Thanksgiving week. We may simply try a road trip. Spontaneity. Stay tuned.
We've managed to get a couple walks in since last Wednesday. I had hopes of getting Roger out yesterday or this evening (between rain storms). Unfortunately he wasn't up for it. The weekend, yesterday, and today have been spent on the sofa under blankets wedged into a corner of the sofa. He can't seem to lay down much lately so he spends a lot of time sleeping or napping sitting straight up. Lately when he is sitting on the sofa during these bad days, Roger has had the company of Hemmy (the 6-toed maniac cat) or Yoda (our long-haired chipmunk killer). We've wondered if the cats are picking up on how badly Roger feels. They both seem pretty glued to him. Roger grouses about it ....well he grouses about everything lately...but I think Roger digs having the cats with him. Yoda is sitting on him now, draped across Roger's arm making dough on the blanket and mewing every so often to get a random pet from Roger.
Food lately? Tacao Bell? NOPE, its off the hit list. No Kentucky Fried Chicken. Now, Roger is on local pizza place Jack's pizza. Naturally, there isn't one close by that delivers. Sooooo when the craving calls, its a little drive to get the craving dujour. I never thought I would ever say I'm getting tired of pizza but after having had Jacks now 3 times (not counting leftovers the next day or two) in the last 1.5 weeks....Yah, I'm getting tired of pizza.
Any whooooo, that's the wild woolly world of the Wethingtons (try saying that 4 times really fast).
So, after this treatment....ONLY 4 more to go. Thank goodness. If we stay on track for treatment, Roger SHOULD be done by the end of January. Seems like a million years from now.
Hard to believe the holidays are on us. I don't anticipate doing anything for Thanksgiving. Its pretty hard to ask Roger to sit through a holiday focused on eating when he has NO enjoyment of food. In fact, eating is something he absolutely dreads because of the pain, possible vomiting, and just generally not feeling up to eating and socializing much. Now, all this may change if the good week happens to fall on Thanksgiving week. We may simply try a road trip. Spontaneity. Stay tuned.
We've managed to get a couple walks in since last Wednesday. I had hopes of getting Roger out yesterday or this evening (between rain storms). Unfortunately he wasn't up for it. The weekend, yesterday, and today have been spent on the sofa under blankets wedged into a corner of the sofa. He can't seem to lay down much lately so he spends a lot of time sleeping or napping sitting straight up. Lately when he is sitting on the sofa during these bad days, Roger has had the company of Hemmy (the 6-toed maniac cat) or Yoda (our long-haired chipmunk killer). We've wondered if the cats are picking up on how badly Roger feels. They both seem pretty glued to him. Roger grouses about it ....well he grouses about everything lately...but I think Roger digs having the cats with him. Yoda is sitting on him now, draped across Roger's arm making dough on the blanket and mewing every so often to get a random pet from Roger.
Food lately? Tacao Bell? NOPE, its off the hit list. No Kentucky Fried Chicken. Now, Roger is on local pizza place Jack's pizza. Naturally, there isn't one close by that delivers. Sooooo when the craving calls, its a little drive to get the craving dujour. I never thought I would ever say I'm getting tired of pizza but after having had Jacks now 3 times (not counting leftovers the next day or two) in the last 1.5 weeks....Yah, I'm getting tired of pizza.
Any whooooo, that's the wild woolly world of the Wethingtons (try saying that 4 times really fast).
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Chemo started yesterday without much event. We first met with Roger's oncologist Dr. Birhirray. Which is the normal drill. We gave him a copy of Roger's MRI test results from the prior day. Dr. B reviewed the results and had the dictated version of the test results pulled for us. The concern going into this was that Roger could possibly have had a tumor on his spinal cord. The other very real possibility was that he could have ancillary damage to his spinal cord from the radiation 2 years ago. Happily (VERY weird to say "happily" in this case), Roger "only" has a bulging disc between two vertebrae which is in turn putting pressure on the spinal cord and causing pain to shoot down his back to his feet. Good news, right? Yes, absolutely in that there is no tumor. Bad news is that we need to try to remedy this bulging disc. Options? Therapy, glucosamine, drugs, surgery. Roger is going to try physical therapy (or physical torture as he calls it) and drugs. We're not sure if the bulging disc is also related to ancillary damage from chemo/radiation, related to Roger's now very very poor posture, or, related to him (us) turning into junior old people. None sound like great options to ys.
Roger's cancer continues to respond well to the chemo. His cancer protein markers peaked and are now declining. Good stuff. Definitely good stuff. The kind of thing we totally need to remember through the thick of all this.
Chemo seems to be in the express lane to hell ( like many of the most recent past treatments). Immediate onset of sensitivity to cold...just in time for the first snow flurry today.....what....the....hell?????? SNOW????? Come on!!!!!! Its sooooo not right. Our house heat is officially up to 76 degrees. I'm sweating. The cats are sweating ( or would be if they sweat)....and Roger? He is wearing two layers and a blanket. Aside from the chemo side effects....Roger doesn't have any meat on his bones so that alone makes him sensitive to cold combined with chemo and you have a double whammy.
The balance of the week and weekend will be very quiet. Roger will have loads of sofa time and I will try to get caught up on house work (damn leaves and damn laundry), paying bills, and TRYING to catch up on work. Never ending as I'm sure you all know as well. There's always SOMETHING which needs to be done.
bundle up. get the hat, scarf and gloves out....winter is not only on its way....I'd say its made its appearance a little early. xxooxx~ a & r
Roger's cancer continues to respond well to the chemo. His cancer protein markers peaked and are now declining. Good stuff. Definitely good stuff. The kind of thing we totally need to remember through the thick of all this.
Chemo seems to be in the express lane to hell ( like many of the most recent past treatments). Immediate onset of sensitivity to cold...just in time for the first snow flurry today.....what....the....hell?????? SNOW????? Come on!!!!!! Its sooooo not right. Our house heat is officially up to 76 degrees. I'm sweating. The cats are sweating ( or would be if they sweat)....and Roger? He is wearing two layers and a blanket. Aside from the chemo side effects....Roger doesn't have any meat on his bones so that alone makes him sensitive to cold combined with chemo and you have a double whammy.
The balance of the week and weekend will be very quiet. Roger will have loads of sofa time and I will try to get caught up on house work (damn leaves and damn laundry), paying bills, and TRYING to catch up on work. Never ending as I'm sure you all know as well. There's always SOMETHING which needs to be done.
bundle up. get the hat, scarf and gloves out....winter is not only on its way....I'd say its made its appearance a little early. xxooxx~ a & r
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Sometimes it just takes guts
Its Tuesday night. The eve of another chemo session. 'Nuff said.
Roger had his MRI today. Its not a difficult test per se but weighed heavy on both our minds....especially Roger's. The other nuance we didn't anticipate is the physical difficulty. You have to remain perfectly still on the exam table in a horizontal position. Well, for Roger....that's really tough. He can't lay on his back. His options are to lay on his left side or sit up right. Anything else causes him to reflux and causes pain in his chest. So, to have to lie still for 25-30 minutes while this incredibly loud machine booms in your ears. We hope to find out test results tomorrow when we see Roger's oncologist prior to getting his chemo infusion.
The air is pretty thick with anxiety today. Anxiety for the unknown of the test results. Anxiety for the KNOWN aftermath of chemo...and its looming return. And, just general anxiety.
Board up the windows, hunker down and prepare for the storm we call cancer treatment....chemo.
~ ~ ~
Roger had his MRI today. Its not a difficult test per se but weighed heavy on both our minds....especially Roger's. The other nuance we didn't anticipate is the physical difficulty. You have to remain perfectly still on the exam table in a horizontal position. Well, for Roger....that's really tough. He can't lay on his back. His options are to lay on his left side or sit up right. Anything else causes him to reflux and causes pain in his chest. So, to have to lie still for 25-30 minutes while this incredibly loud machine booms in your ears. We hope to find out test results tomorrow when we see Roger's oncologist prior to getting his chemo infusion.
The air is pretty thick with anxiety today. Anxiety for the unknown of the test results. Anxiety for the KNOWN aftermath of chemo...and its looming return. And, just general anxiety.
Board up the windows, hunker down and prepare for the storm we call cancer treatment....chemo.
~ ~ ~
Sunday, November 6, 2011
A good week....but way too short
Finally, a good week...several consecutive good days in a row. And, it was simply awesome. Literally from last Sunday through today, Sunday Nov 6, Roger has felt decent physically, mentally, emotionally - everything. He has worked on projects around the house, on the boat, etc. to the point where he has worn himself out repeatedly. But it has been a good worn out.
We went to the boat Saturday (stayed over night at Mom & Dad's river house in Vevay) and removed several items from the boat to be worked on. The boat's name is "Quest Over". Roger decided he wants to change the name and will work on it over the next several weeks - stripping the old name from the parts/pieces and applying the new name. So....... now we need to decide a new name. Not as easy as you'd think. Roger doesn't like my twisted sense of humor (Titanic, SS Minnow, USS Indianapolis...you get the theme). So, I don't think any of MY suggested names will be used. Whatever. Roger must have had his sense of humor removed. We've thought about "Don't Worry 'Bout it" which has always been Roger's motto over the years. As I would stress out about life, etc. Roger would respond "don't worry about it".
Physically, Roger has been hovering around 145 - 147 lbs. We got excited when he actually crested the 150 mark. Hard to believe there was a time when Roger lamented being heavy (235 lbs seems like a dream) He's inching in the right direction. Just yo-yo's up and down depending on how he's feeling. The latest food cravings are still these nasty pork-things (supposedly breaded pork tenderloins though most are called "fritters"), Little Debbie Nutty Butter Bars, chicken noodles made by the old gal across the street, McDonalds Bacon Egg McGriddles (um, yuk). Oh well, food is food, and the object is to put meat on the bones.
Roger met with his pain management specialist last week. He usually meets with him at least once a month to adjust Roger's various meds if necessary. At this meeting they discussed a new discomfort/pain Roger has. He has had pain shooting from his neck down his arms to his hands and then down his legs to his feet. He said the doctor was concerned about the potential cause, so this Tuesday Roger has another MRI. This will be of his neck/head area. We speculated whether or not some of the medication or treatment Roger has endured might have caused disc compression. Or, Roger speculated if his increasingly poor posture has caused this. We should know more after Tuesday. Roger is genuinely concerned. He said the doctor sounded very concerned.
Wednesday marks the start of treatment number 8!! Un-freakin-believable. We are both left somewhat speechless knowing that we are getting ready....again....to start down the path of chemo. For me, after having had such a great week with my hubby.... well I can't even tell you. This morning over breakfast I commented to Roger how wonderful it was seeing him again and being with him and just being "us" . We talked about how hard it is to believe its chemo again. As I sit here and type, Roger said its additionally tough knowing he has FFFFOOOOOUUUURRRRR more treatments after this. Uggghhhhhhh. Really really tough. Again, we know what we have to do. We know we have to dig down and push through it. I'm hoping that having this good week under our belt will help off set the crappy days to come and will give us the extra energy & perseverance we need. Keep your fingers crossed.
Trying to post more regularly...Thanks for sending all the positive thoughts. Keep them coming.
xxooxx ~ A & R
We went to the boat Saturday (stayed over night at Mom & Dad's river house in Vevay) and removed several items from the boat to be worked on. The boat's name is "Quest Over". Roger decided he wants to change the name and will work on it over the next several weeks - stripping the old name from the parts/pieces and applying the new name. So....... now we need to decide a new name. Not as easy as you'd think. Roger doesn't like my twisted sense of humor (Titanic, SS Minnow, USS Indianapolis...you get the theme). So, I don't think any of MY suggested names will be used. Whatever. Roger must have had his sense of humor removed. We've thought about "Don't Worry 'Bout it" which has always been Roger's motto over the years. As I would stress out about life, etc. Roger would respond "don't worry about it".
Physically, Roger has been hovering around 145 - 147 lbs. We got excited when he actually crested the 150 mark. Hard to believe there was a time when Roger lamented being heavy (235 lbs seems like a dream) He's inching in the right direction. Just yo-yo's up and down depending on how he's feeling. The latest food cravings are still these nasty pork-things (supposedly breaded pork tenderloins though most are called "fritters"), Little Debbie Nutty Butter Bars, chicken noodles made by the old gal across the street, McDonalds Bacon Egg McGriddles (um, yuk). Oh well, food is food, and the object is to put meat on the bones.
Roger met with his pain management specialist last week. He usually meets with him at least once a month to adjust Roger's various meds if necessary. At this meeting they discussed a new discomfort/pain Roger has. He has had pain shooting from his neck down his arms to his hands and then down his legs to his feet. He said the doctor was concerned about the potential cause, so this Tuesday Roger has another MRI. This will be of his neck/head area. We speculated whether or not some of the medication or treatment Roger has endured might have caused disc compression. Or, Roger speculated if his increasingly poor posture has caused this. We should know more after Tuesday. Roger is genuinely concerned. He said the doctor sounded very concerned.
Wednesday marks the start of treatment number 8!! Un-freakin-believable. We are both left somewhat speechless knowing that we are getting ready....again....to start down the path of chemo. For me, after having had such a great week with my hubby.... well I can't even tell you. This morning over breakfast I commented to Roger how wonderful it was seeing him again and being with him and just being "us" . We talked about how hard it is to believe its chemo again. As I sit here and type, Roger said its additionally tough knowing he has FFFFOOOOOUUUURRRRR more treatments after this. Uggghhhhhhh. Really really tough. Again, we know what we have to do. We know we have to dig down and push through it. I'm hoping that having this good week under our belt will help off set the crappy days to come and will give us the extra energy & perseverance we need. Keep your fingers crossed.
Trying to post more regularly...Thanks for sending all the positive thoughts. Keep them coming.
xxooxx ~ A & R
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