Round 6

Another Monday gone and my thoughts drift to the coming storm.  Wednesday will mark the start of chemo round 6.  Despite having an extra week "off" prior to starting round 5 and despite having a reduced chemo dosage (approximately 20% less), Roger has had a tough time recovering from this last round.  The bad was "less bad" but wasn't good or even decent by any stretch of imagination.  Roger had many quiet days on the sofa.  He wasn't rolled up in a ball as much as he has been...at least not on the days we would have normally expected. We both had hopes there would be multiple good days.  Instead it was multiple bad days.  We thought Roger had dodged the diarrhea issues...not the case.  That little side effect was just delayed in making its appearance.  Roger's weight still hovers around 145 +/-. 

Its all just so damn frustrating.  We went into the last round thinking it MIGHT be "better" (whateverthehell that is) and had our hope dashed. And so, I find myself starting to get anxious the closer we get to this next round.  

We are now grappling with the fact that Summer has literally evaporated and we are staring Fall square in the eyes.  Based on what we've seen so far....I don't think a warm Indian summer is store...so Roger layers up in jeans, t-shirts, flannel shirts, and sweatshirts to stave off the cold.  With the realization that Summer is gone we additionally realize there is limited time to get the boat and jetskis battened down for the winter. Forget being disappointed at not spending much time on the boat over the summer...no time for that.   Roger is making plans to move the boat to a covered slip near Vevay/Madison IN.  The benefit of doing so is that we won't have to have the boat covered and shrink-wrapped to protect from the elements over the winter and the slip is close to my parents' river home.  We figure they may be able to check on the boat during the winter when Roger is recuperating down in Florida.   The practical implication - logistics-  of the plan to move the boat to a new slip is that we have to physically move the boat 4-5 hours upriver, through the lock system,  and get the jetski out of the water...all during the rare, few days Roger feels good.  So, we are trying to plan or attempting to predict when those random few days may be.   

Its really tough to realize summer is gone.  Time is ticking away.  I know I know.  Time seems to stand still and NEVER moves when we're kids.  Now that we're all grown up...time simply flies by.  I'm still looking for the switch to flick and freeze time, freeze life in a moment and make no further movement forward.  For that matter, I'd like to find the dial on the clock that would let me turn it all back and get my carefree, happy, healthy hubby back.  If someone knows where the clock is...please let me know. 

I did end up going to Miami for my work conference last week.  It was a good trip but also exceptionally difficult for me.  I hate hate hate leaving Roger when I know he doesn't feel well which is all the time any more.  So my trip was mixed.  There were good meetings and networking opportunities, good dinners and fun events but all of that was set against the backdrop of my anxiety and concern for Roger mixed with guilt.  I managed to have lunch with Roger's Uncle Larry.  Always great to catch up with family! (Thanks Larry!!)

So that's where we are today.  Roger is sitting across from me watching the magic zombie maker...TV....annoying late night TV.  I wanted to get an update posted here since I've been remiss in updating you.  I'm off to prepare for a presentation for tomorrow.  hugs to all of you.  a & r