For the most part, it was a good week finished by a good weekend...but was fraught with mixed emotions throughout.  The week and the weekend were full of family.  As predicted, loads of laughs and a few tears mixed in.  Last Thursday was dinner with Roger's family - sister, mother and significant others as well as Roger's nephew Adam.  They all have a bunch of birthdays in and around the Fall time period so it was a birthday celebration.  It also marked a week before Roger's sister's surgery.  This Thursday his sister is having her kidney and urter removed.  They will then be able to determine if there is cancer in the lymph nodes.  The mere thought takes your breath away.  You try to stay focused on the good stuff and each other's company.   

We then spent time with my side of the family over the weekend.  We drove up to South Bend Friday night and returned home earlier today.  Dad is one of 8 kids.  Six of the eight and their spouses turned out to celebrate several different siblings' birthdays as well as my Aunt Charlotte's retirement.  More laughs galore.  We had a limerick contest (I'm told there were 60 limericks submitted!) - you were supposed to write a limerick about someone in the family, living or deceased.  So, as you can imagine with brothers and sisters there was endless ribbing and teasing.  Many many raunchy rhymes, inside jokes, and distant memories brought back to life.  Silly but funny stuff.  Much of the family hadn't seen the now much skinnier Roger.  80-90 lbs less makes for one skinny guy!  He's gone from a 34-36" waist to now 31-32" waist and XL-XXL shirts are now Mediums.  I practically have to shop in the young men's department to find new clothes for him. 

Spending time with family really helps recharge the batteries.  At least for us it does.  Good food, conversation, hugs, and laughter.  Doesn't remove all the bad stuff...just makes it somehow more tolerable.  I'm absolutely overwhelmed by the love and support and the tremendous generosity of our families and find myself consumed with emotion at the outpouring of support. 

As we were driving back to Indy this afternoon, there was a heaviness...anxiousness... in the car with us.  Roger eventually said, " I've been trying to play out all the possible scenarios of our appointment with Dr Birrhiray."  You see, this Wednesday we get the results of Roger's CT scan from Friday.  I know the test has been weighing heavy on our minds.  So, I followed up on his statement to find out what the scenarios were.  His response:  " I can come up with 3 possibilities...the cancer is smaller....the cancer is the same....or its gotten bigger/spread."  Well, yes.  Those are the possible scenarios.  And with each scenario we discussed what the potential treatment path might be.  We didn't spend much more time on the topic because we really don't know what the course of treatment will be because we have no way of knowing the test results....and the topic seemed to suck all the oxygen out of the car.  We both became lost in our own thoughts.  Roger eventually dozed off (no worries...I was driving!) and I tried to stay focused on NOT getting a speeding ticket while trying to keep my brain decidedly in neutral, devoid of all other thoughts.  I was successful at avoiding the ticket.  I wasn't so successful at avoiding heavy thoughts.

We're both a little pooped. Roger hasn't been sleeping well for several nights.  He wakes up several times throughout the night, sometimes has to vomit, many times just wakes with pain or discomfort.  So, it makes for sleeping in fits and starts.  We are both physically tired and emotionally tired. We'll get through it.  We just may be short of patience in the process.

Roger has been feeling the coolness in the air...chilling to his bones (remember sensitivity to cold is one of the chemo side effects) .  Saturday afternoon I walked into our hotel room (Roger had been in the room watching TV, I was off with family).  I walked into a freakin' sauna...it was 82 degrees!!!!  AND Roger was sitting in jeans with a long sleeve shirt AND a blanket.  Good grief.  I about melted.  I peeled off as much clothing as I could and finally gave up and surrendered to a cold shower. 

Well, I just looked over at Roger snoozing in his chair.  Time to go to bed.  Many big hugs to our family.  We love you all!!!  Thanks for several fabulous days.  ~a