There has been a bit a of a silence since my last post.  As you might have picked up from the last couple posts, I was a TINY LITTLE bit sad and missed my hubby a TINY LITTLE bit.  Ha! Ok, it was more than a little bit!  In fact, I am literally blown away by the void I felt.  Which is sooooo odd for me.  I'm not one of those drippy girls who pines away for her love...or at least I didn't think I was.  Pretty late for me to be discovering new things about myself, don't you think?


So, happy news for me is that my gorgeous sun-kissed Roger is home (picture attached).  I was out of town for a work event Sun - Tues evening and returned last night to be greeted by Roger.  sigh. sigh. sigh.  (ok, I am a drippy girl)  The tension in my chest and my back eased just a bit.  I was also greeted by one little kitty whose out-y is now an in-y...a couple friends have called him the Chaz Bono of felines. (see picture of Roger and Hemmi chilling together this evening) sigh.  A little more anxiety slipped out of me.  Not that the house was back to normal by any means.  We both were a little pooped from our travels, the cat was a little (lot) messed up from his medical adventure and we were all out of sync.  Nonetheless, we are quickly working our way back into a groove. 

We gave up and crawled into bed around 11:45 and then snugged into each other's arms.  SIGH.  A few more conversations about how the past couple days had gone and soon we were both asleep.  As is part of our "normal world" we both woke up often throughout the night.  Roger woke up because he had pain or felt reflux so he'd sit up, as a result I'd wake up and then would rub his back.  We'd both fall back asleep.  I'd wake up for no reason or after some disturbing dreams, would listen to Roger's soft breathing and then would fall back asleep. 

Today, was an absolutely beautiful day.  Sun shining.  Temperatures exceptionally balmy for this time of year 65 degrees!  Such a great day!  Now, the downside of this beautiful day is that Roger, as foreshadowed in a couple previous blogs, OVER DID IT!!!!!  He hasn't even been home 24 hours and over did it!  Ran around too much.  Didn't rest.  Lifted several, too-heavy, things and simply did too much.  So now, here we sit at 10:30 and he is exhausted, in pain, uncomfortable...etc etc etc.  And, even freely admits "yah, I over did it today".  WHAT?!?!?!  Come on.  Even though I describe Roger as 52 years old going on 12 years old, I'm usually kidding.  Tonight, I think I may have been right.  I just tilted my head and said "there isn't anyone who can help you take care of yourself better than you.  You are a grown up. You have got to stop before you get to the point of over doing it.  You don't have to totally stop doing stuff....just use moderation."  And that was the end of that moment. 

Tomorrow will hopefully be a day of moderation.  Like I said....we're still finding our way back into our groove.

Sending warm, happy, early Spring thoughts your way.  love and hugs, a & r

Quick post

Just got off the phone with Roger.  It was a quiet conversation.  Neither of us has been sleeping well so all we did throughout most of the call was exchange yawns followed by prolonged silence.  I was doing email while talking and he was phasing out to the tv.  We're a bundle of excitement, no?  I guess it was as close to being as person as we could be without being under the same roof.

Roger can't seem to get comfortable sleeping and thus the restless night.  He tries to make a nest for himself to prop himself up when sleeping.  Unfortunately, he just can't get comfortable regardless of how many pillows he has.  As for me, I think I must just miss him breathing next to me in bed.  I'm not one of those worriers "what if someone broke into the house"...Ha!  That would be one exceptionally STUPID burgurlar.  My sleepless nights are not broken by the bumps and noises in the night.  Rather, I have an unsettled sleep waking as though something is missing and then go through the exercise of chasing random thoughts out of my head ...and fall back asleep. 

I'm signing off for now.  Sheep to count (or maybe cats since they are nearer and dearer to me).  Cross your fingers that my hubby has a good night's sleep.  hugs, a

Murphy's Law?

I use the cliche all the time....Murphy's law.  Its Murphy's Law.  To tell you the honest truth, I have no idea who Murphy is or what his deal was but can tell you I'd like to kick him in the shins when his little principle comes into play.  I decided to look up Murphy's Law on the ever-sited (though not so reliable) Wikipedia.  Read on:

"MURPHY'S LAW:  The perceived perversity of the universe has long been a subject of comment, and precursors to the modern version of Murphy's law are not hard to find. Recent significant research in this area has been conducted by members of the American Dialect Society. ADS member Stephen Goranson has found a version of the law, not yet generalized or bearing that name, in a report by Alfred Holt at an 1877 meeting of an engineering society.

It is found that anything that can go wrong at sea generally does go wrong sooner or later, so it is not to be wondered that owners prefer the safe to the scientific.... Sufficient stress can hardly be laid on the advantages of simplicity. The human factor cannot be safely neglected in planning machinery. If attention is to be obtained, the engine must be such that the engineer will be disposed to attend to it.

Mathematician Augustus De Morgan on June 23, 1866 "Supplement to the Budget of Paradoxes," The Athenaeum no. 2017 page 836 col. 2 [and later reprints: e.g., 1872, 1915, 1956, 2000] wrote: "The first experiment already illustrates a truth of the theory, well confirmed by practice, what-ever can happen will happen if we make trials enough." In later publications "whatever can happen will happen" occasionally is termed "Murphy's law," which raises the possibility—if something went wrong—that "Murphy" is "De Morgan" misremembered (an option, among others, raised by Goranson on American Dialect Society list)"

ANGIE'S VERSION:  If something can go wrong....count on it....and count  on it happening in muliples.  My Proof:  Actually nothing is "wrong" per se...just challenging.  And the challenges come in multiples. 

 Lets start with 4:30 a.m. today.  Yes, 4:30 a.m.  Remember the smoke detector in the basement which decided to have a battery die this past Tuesday night when I got home from Florida.  Well, its brother, the smoke detector on the top floor, decided to go through its death-throes and started 'chirping' the annoying "hey my battery is dead" chirp" at 4:30 in the morning...and let me tell you, don't even try ignoring them. They won't stop chirping. And, no amount of tissue stuffed in your ears will drown out CHIRP FREAKIN' CHIRP FREAKIN' CHIRP!!!!!!   I finally gave up trying to ignore at 7:30 and got up and dressed to go hunt for 9-volt batteries.  Did Mr. Murphy know that a dying smoke detector does not die at 10:30 a.m.  or 1:00 p.m.?  No probably not. Seriously....the damn thing couldnt have started chirping at Noon?  or in the afternoon???  4:30 in the morning SUNDAY morning????  ugh. Needless to say, alll batteries have been replaced in the smoke detectors on all floors, and I rewired the detector in the basement which had been, um, dismantled


I've already referenced our sick cat Hemmi.  His woes have been great and many over the weekend.  he went into the animal hospital on Thursday and STILL is in the hospital.  Yesterday evening, he managed to pull off his Elizabethan collar, pull out his IV  AND pull out his catheter.  This all resulted in an even more blocked bladder. He has big problems which worries me to death.  The end result is a big surgery this week to turn his "out-y into an in-y"....my terminology... Basically a penis-ectomy though our vet probably has some fancy schmancy name which I can't spell. Suffice to say, Roger doesn't reference the procedure regardless of what its called and crosses his legs whenever I refer to it. We're both worried sick about our four-legged family member.


Whine whine whine.  I should have some wine wine wine to go with my whine. Good thing its past "cocktail-thirty".

Roger update:  he said he's been walking a lot and has been riding his uncle's bike down the street to get food ...care to guess where....Not McDonalds, not Kentucky Fried Chicken, not Taco Bell.....DUNCAN DONUTS.  *sigh*   I'm sure donuts have a nutritional value of some sort, right?  Second thought, don't answer that.  Anyway, the good thing is that he's getting exercise and is enjoying warmer weather.  He walked the Miami Boat show and said he saw ridiculous wealth...boats valued at several millions of dollars. Crazy. 

Roger admitted last night that he's actually trying to not over do it and recognizes that being away from the house here in Indy has been good in that he isn't chasing projects and overdoing it on a daily basis.  Which was a big admission.  And, I agree.  It is a good thing he is trying to take it easy.  Though I will admit to you, and you're sworn to secrecy, I wish he had been here to help with the smoke detectors....that's a boy-job.

We try to talk every evening.  Catch up on our respective days.  And, I try to catch up on how he has been feeling.  I learned a long time ago when Roger was in the hospital having his esophagus removed, the nurses told me you don't ask the patient how the pain is or does it still hurt...instead you as more generic questions like "how are you" "how are you feeling" "have you eaten", etc.  The whole theory is that you don't want to place the thought of pain in the patient's mind if it wasn't already there.  And, the other balancing-act for me in our conversations is to make sure its not "all about the sickness".

One of *my* biggest challenges as of late with Roger being gone and for that matter our cat Hemmi being in the vet is to find yet another "new normal".  So much of my day previously involved Roger and how he was doing, feeling, eating,etc.  When the cat got sick, he became a temporary fill of the void from Roger being gone.  Now with both of them gone from the house, my "routine" or habit is interrupted. I feel like I have to learn a new routine/habit.  Its very unsettling.  Strangely I find myself bumbling around the house when I have a million things to do!

Well, I'm going to bumble off to bed.  Hope all is settled and "normal" in your world.  xxooxx, a

Follow up to yesterday's post

First, the pictures I mentioned last night.  The first two are from the previously referenced "Ragged Edge" - a small lodge in Islamorada where we were married (by a biker chick notary whose boyfriend was in jail...how's that for a little color?).  The third picture was at the "southern most point in the US" in Key West.  And lets also start with....how cute is my husband?!?! 

 The Ragged Edge wasn't a fancy schmancy resort.  It was a typical, bohemian, low-key small inn with full "suites" ...ok, rooms with kitchenettes. There was NO "suite" to it.   We had a small assortment of family.  My parents, Roger's parents, his sister and hubby, his uncle, and a couple of our friends. We were able to snorkel off the beach and see fish and lobster creatures, and cool stuff. The day after we were married, we walked out of our room to find a little dead scorpion on the door step.  HOW FREAKIN COOL????  Even cooler....we packed up the little creature's body.  I have it saved in a glass crystal heart-shaped box at my bedside.  Maybe I'm not a little right.  It just represents to me the strange balance of life and relationships.  There is a beautiful side and a dark, dangerous side. 

We were married by a "biker chick".  In Florida you need only be married by a notary. So we found this gal at the local marina (yep, a boat and fish place). She had a few tattoos and was a colorful character.  She was reluctant to do the ceremony because other couples she had married ended in divorce.  With a mature, "trust us" look,l we said...."trust us.  We are not going to be one of those stats." ....and here we are, history to prove her wrong.   Ha!  I wrote our vows.  I'll dig them out of a file and will share some time soon. I told Roger we should have looked for Penny (our notary) when we were in the Keys this time....we kept driving. 

 We are not, in case there was a moment's doubt...we are not a "normal" couple.  We are abbey-normal.  Definitely, NOT the norm.  But deeply, madly, maybe a little tragically (too dramatic?)  in love.  And despite life's ups and downs and all of our bumps in the road of which there are many...we know we love each other.

Last night I referenced in passing an "adventure" I had upon returning to Indy from Florida.  I got home Tuesday evening and slid into a bit of hell.  Our cat Hemmie was in distress.  He has had on going urinary issues which can (and often do) result in blockage.  Blockage in a cat (or dog, or elephant, or mouse, or human) can mean EXTREME distress, erratic behavior, and inappropriate peeing.  So, I followed him around all night mopping up pee.  Administering drugs (he's on a bunch of medication....just like Roger) .  I get the cat to a moment of

"pause"...and then am distracted by "chirp, chirp, chirp".  The sound of a stupid smoke detector with a dead battery.  Of course.  Of course.  The stupid smoke detector was in the basement (where the cat litter boxes are...important for a cat with urinary issues).  And the chirp chirp chirp does not sit well with a neurotic cat.  So, minus one husband I had to set about solving this little issue.  I got a step stool and as logic would suggest, pulled the battery...ohhhhhhh, no, of course not.  That's not going to fix it.  chirp freaking chirp freaking chirp.  Pulling the battery did not stop the stupid-damn chirping. The machine was hard-wired into our electrical system.   Solution?  I pulled the damn thing off the ceiling and pulled the electrical wires out of the ceiling and disconnected the damn thing from the electricity.  All the while envisioning electrocuting myself (I am STUPID about this stuff) and then envisioning my four-legged friends sitting around my dead body eating my ears off.  Yah, ok, I have a vivid imagination!  Long story short....much more stress than I'd like to have upon returning from a trip.  Forget how much I miss my hubby. 

Hemmie is at the vet and will likely be there for 2-3 days.  He was completely blocked.  POOR GUY!!!  Gawd, what is up with all this medical stuff????

More Wethington luck...which really is hilarious.  Honestly.  Hilarious.  Roger, as mentioned earlier, is staying at his uncle Larry's beautiful house on the inter coastal in Del Ray Florida.  The driveway has a couple additional spots to park for visitors.  Roger went with Larry yesterday to the beach to run Larry's dogs. He said they came back an hour or so later to find the world's biggest (took two people to move it) palm tree branch ON TOP of our rental car.  Our rental care with 500 miles!! ....LITERALLY.  It took both Roger and Larry to lift the limb/branch/leaf off the car.  Scratches and a dent a later on the brand new freakin' rental car.  Seriously, isnt that the funniest thing?  How many people have such rotten luck.  Its all hilarious if you stop to think about it. 

Roger said yesterday was a good day. He got out and walked and went to the beach and ate a lot.  The proverbial shoe "dropped" at night. and today.   He said he had a wretched night which translated (as it often does) to a bad day today.  He felt really pretty crummy today.  I quizzed him, like I always do.  Trying trying to figure out why.  And of course, we both know "why" isn't readily apparent. We both felt helpless and a million miles apart.  I have such a hard time trying to "fix" things when we are in the same room let alone when we are in different states.  Such a helpless situation sometimes.  And really really frustrating for a "fixer" like me.  Ride the roller coaster up.  Ride the roller coaster down. 

Anywhooooo, that's it.  More stuff to follow.  love from A (and R from afar)

Long time, no post

You picture one thing in your head, and then reality ends up being vastly different.  As you know, if you've been checking, I haven't posted in a while.  What has happened over the last 5-6 days?  Did time freeze in a bottle?  Were we so caught up in the fun that we lost track of time?  Were things so horrible that we simply couldn't post?  No.  No.  And No.  Rewind and Replay...and filling in the blanks a little more along the way.

Rewind. Seven night ago we were disembarking (what a word, huh?) from a plane in sunny Ft. Lauderdale.  Temps were a toasty 75.  Yum.  We stayed the night at Roger's Uncle Larry's house Thursday night. Then the next day, piled back into our rental car and headed south.  For those of you tracking the ever-persistent-Wethington-cloud-of-bad-luck....it follows us to multiple zip codes.  The fabulous Florida weather turned and headed to chilly temps with rain.  Kinda funny in the scheme of things.  Nonetheless, we persevered and headed south. Stayed a night in Key largo and then continued south. 

Along the way we stopped in Islamorada where we were married.  We stopped at the inn where we stayed and where we were actually married on the beach 17 years ago.  Ironically it was (still is)  named the Ragged Edge (kinda like we both feel sometimes).  It was strangely bitter sweet to be back there. The world was so, so different when we were married.  Not a care in the world. Well, I'm sure there were cares but none seem to register.  And today? Well, its a different world.  I have pictures but alas, the camera with the pictures is with Roger (still in Florida) and I'm in Indianapolis. Roger said he'd send me the pictures tomorrow, so I'll post them once received. 

From Islamorada, we drove south and eventually ended up in Key West.  We've been there several times before.  The Wethington way - rather, the Roger Wethington way - is that we never book accommodations ahead of time.  You drive and search out hotels.  So, we drove and drove.  Booked, booked.  Or, um gross room -  so I don't care if there are available rooms!  Booked, booked.  You get the picture.  And, um EXPENSIVE.  We finally found the absolutely most beautiful place called the Southern Most Hotel, literally at the farthest most southern tip of the US (allegedly).  The facility is this gorgeous historic Key West-type-charm.  We ended up getting a beautiful suite.  Entirely too large for 2 people, but included a balcony with a beautiful view of the ocean. So, on the bad days when Roger wasn't up for exploring or was too tired to continue he could snooze in bed, and I could sit on the balcony reading within earshot.  Our last evening in Key West, we walked to the water's edge and watched the sun slowly dip into the water and fade away for the evening.  And, as we huddled together against the wind (Wethington bad luck with weather, remember), we quietly watched the sun go to bed.  After a while, we walked away silently hand in hand.  No words but a lot of unspoken emotion.  We walked to dinner and once seated at this charming little Italian restaurant we finally broached the evening. Roger said, after several moments, "what if that's the last sunrise we see together here?"  The unflappable me responded, "well shame on us if that's the case.  All we have to do is book a flight and get our butts down here.  So, this will NOT be our last sunrise down here."  Obviously, I understood the emotional driver and felt it myself (though I won't admit that in public)... but NO, there is NO reason we won't be down to the Keys again (or other warm parts) for more sunrises. 

Anyway, loads more to post including a ridiculous series of events that happened once I got home. 

I am missing my husband.  The house is considerably quieter and the bed is considerably more lonely.  I don't even have the cats (will explain more when I'm not so pooped and in desperate need of sleep) .  Roger and I realized we haven't been apart but for a couple nights here and there over the last 2 years when our little cancer adventure started.  And knowing how much we've been through, its hard not to feel a little unearthed.  We both were moved to tears, like moon-struck teenagers as we said goodbye at the airport.  Silly, huh? 

Well, for now, that's all. 
Too worn out and a little sad, missing Roger.

Pictures tomorrow.  G'night. Love, Angie

All is quiet on this end.  Roger feels OK.  I'm not sick.  All is quiet.  Because Roger felt OK, he, of course, over did it.  When I came home this evening he was snugged under a blanket on the sofa.  When questioned about what's up, he said "I over did it and hit the wall.  I forgot to take my meds and ate late.  I had to stop what I was doing because I was just done".    I tried desperately to NOT respond and tried to just offer a sympathetic look and a simply sigh....but I couldn't and had to respond albeit meekly (yes, I can periodically be meek) "well, that's a bummer.  That's what I'm really concerned about when you are in Florida and I'm back here.  You'll be busy or distracted and won't take your meds or won't eat or won't drink."  I know I know, this conversation sounds ridiculous between adults. Right?  No reasonable solution was discussed aside for Roger's wife - yep, yours truly - calling daily (several times a day) to nag nag nag.  Don't you wish you were married to me?  DON'T ANSWER THAT!

Tonight I will just leave you with a series of pictures from about a year ago or a little more.  We went to a cancer fund raiser focused on hats (you'll get the idea with the pictures).  We went with my mom and dad and our friends Katie and Joe.  It was a silly night but fun and we all walked away with hats!  I've also include a couple picture we took from over two years ago before Roger was diagnosed.  He was much...plumper then....

hope all is well on your end.  More soon.  love, a

We have had a relatively quiet weekend.  Roger, for the most part, has felt relatively decent.  A little puny this morning but otherwise decent.  And today, I finally felt decent.  The stars and the moons aligned!  We had a late breakfast then set about our respective way running errands and doing our own things.  The refrigerator was pretty bare so I ventured out to the dreaded grocery (not my favorite place....especially on Superbowl Sunday!).  Roger went a different direction to knock out his various errands including ANOTHER trip to the hardware store.  He seems to be a regular at the hardware store all because he won't make a list.  Whatever.  I'm not big on making repeat trips to any store, let alone the hardware store.  So, a list seems like such a minor thing to me.  Oh well, our brains are not wired the same way.  (news flash, huh?)

The week promises to be busy.  We are trying to get out of town to a little sunshine.  Thought we'd "get away from it all" in particular get away from all things medical/health care related and maybe in the process reconnect a little as a couple.  Don't get me wrong.  This cancer-thing has made us so much stronger as a couple and so much closer.  Its just that you can also get lost in the vortex of cancer.  We're hoping to leave the vortex and heaviness behind for a few days while soaking in a little sun. All with a focus on living and quality of life!  I'll be returning to Indy after a few days while Roger stays behind until the end of the month.  Between you and me, it leaves me a little short of breath and absolutely anxious when I think of him being away.  The slight (ha) control freak that I am gets all twisty when thinking about this whole scenario.  My greatest fear is that Roger won't be as diligent with eating, drinking, or taking his meds when he's away.  As you all know (and Roger does as well) he's 52 years old going on 11.  No offense men, but women seem to be way more diligent about taking meds, following doctors instructions, etc.  Oh well, 2 weeks of additional anxiety should be a walk in the park for me after the last 2 years of anxiety.  Right?  And I always have the trusty cell phone for calls and texts as a reminder. Nag nag nag.

We had fun watching the SuperBowl tonight.  Mom and Dad came over for the first half. We grilled out pizza and watched the game.  Go Giants!!  Even though we didn't really have a proverbial dog in the hunt, we were rooting for the Giants except for my Dad who was pulling for New England. I was sure my Mom was going to smother him with the sofa pillow.  Regardless it was a great game from football standards.  Couple small heart attacks along the way added to the excitement.  And now as we sit on the sofa, Jimmy Fallon Late Show has come on filmed live from Indy. Gotta tell you, we think its just too cool to have all this hoopla in our little ol' town.  Wishing we were live down at the show just to be part of the excitement.  Nonetheless, cool. 

Hope your week is off to a great start! a & r

Burning the candle may have finally caught up with me (and thus me not posting to the blog).  I started to crash Thursday evening and full-on hit the wall Friday.  Spent the better part of Friday afternoon and evening flat on the sofa.  Fortunately Roger felt decent so we didn't have to fight for the sofa.  We actually had a bit of roll reversal.  He "hunted" for dinner Friday evening. 

Today is more of the same though to a lesser degree.  Roger happily continues to feel decent and has been up and about working on projects, runs to the hardware store, etc.  I've stayed close to the sofa. 

As Roger continues to feel better, his brain has been more engaged with thoughts of  "what am I going to do with my time".  The list of projects grows: house-related, boat-related, car-related.  And now, he is starting to think about money-making opportunities. Its exciting and encouraging and really great stuff....but (does there always have to be a but?) a little concerning for me on a couple fronts.  Roger has (and will say the same when questioned), he has this tendency to start up numerous projects. The projects sometimes remain perpetually in varying degrees of completion.  So you have this as the backdrop, now layer on the ever unpredictable nature of how Roger feels or will be feeling.  I'm trying to encourage the completion of existing projects and THEN moving into new projects without stifling creativity.  Maybe sprinkle in some of his art - glass blowing, metal sculpture, etc.  Its all an ongoing learning process.  We're trying to find the right formula and all the while hopefully get Roger more healthy. 

Roger will be going into the oncology center soon to have his port flushed.  If the port isn't regularly accessed, then you have to flush it every 4-6 weeks or so.  His next test will be in March.  He will have a CT scan as part of the regular quarterly scans.  Until then, provided Roger feels alright, there shouldn't be any more doctors' appointments.  Yea!!

Will try to write more tomorrow.  Just wanted to let you know all was fine on this end.  ~a

DD DD

Down Day
Difficult Day

Thats all ~  tomorrow will be a new day.