The paradox of cancer

After Roger decided he was going to pursue chemo, I set about researching recipes for foods high in calories and nutrients, rich in anti-oxidants, and some of the infamous "super foods"...and if at all possible tasty to boot. Need I say more than the research continues. Oh, there are plenty recipes for high protein foods and high calorie foods but then you have the challenge of heart friendly AND the additional challenge of not "feeding the cancer". There is a line of thought which believes certain foods, processed foods, sugars, etc which feed cancer. Then you must layer on top the fact Roger thinks he is lactose intolerant. Eating card board, though certainly easier, just isn't an option.

So, we are relatively intelligent people....or so we like to believe. And yet we or ME are still wrestling with this food dilemma. There is this difficult, very fine line between food good for you AND food that is appealing to a cancer patient on chemo. I thought about this in particular this evening when my darling husband expressed interest in a meal - first time in 72 hours where he actually said something sounded "ok" to eat without me nagging, prodding or otherwise trying to encourage some consumption. And WHAT, what did he want? No, not the organic soups I've made. No, not the organic, fortified shepherd's pie. No, not the fortified chicken patties with arugula and rosemary. No, Roger decided he wanted KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN. WHAT????? Greasy, fried chicken!!! So, I put the smackdown on my reason and healthy determination and let the overriding need to put some sort of meat on Roger's bones overrule. But, ugh. Kentucky Fried Chicken as your first "real" meal coming out of chemo??? Mine is not to question but instead grab my wallet, my keys, and head to the nearest fast food restaurant of Roger's choosing.

We will still try to counter the fast-food choices with more organic options as Roger's taste will allow. He said he really WANTS to try to eat better. Nothing worse than getting through chemo and find out that you've whacked your cholesterol, etc. So, I roast organic veggies and puree them to use as supplements to various recipes. Sneak those veggies in whenever I can!!

Now, here is the other paradox with cancer/chemo/eating. When I can get Roger to eat home cooked food, I will fortify recipes as much as possible - soy protein, whey protein, calorie enhancers, maple syrup, dried milk, butter milk, yogurt...you get the picture. Anyway, I take a good rich recipe and amp it up with as much extra yum as I can without messing with the taste. Everything sounds ok, right? Now here's the paradox. There are two of us living here. One of us weighs 140 LBS and the other one weighs an amount which shall not be disclosed (you can guess who is who). And of the two of us, guess which one does NOT need to be eating rich, fortified, amped up foods. Um, yep, you guessed it. Me. As if cancer weren't difficult enough there has to be this additional paradox?!?!? Roger's butt gets smaller while Angie's gets larger. Just not right! This whole food thing has become a bit of an obsession for me.

Before Roger was diagnosed with cancer, we were food & drink lovers. Loved to go out to dinner - in fact did it waaaaay too much. Now, its all changed. Socially we would go out and meet friends for drinks/food. Now, there simply is no joy in food and Roger doesn't drink. So, its just very different. Likewise, its very different even trying to grocery shop because you don't know what might appeal to Roger let alone grapple with whether or not its "good for you". I've found myself literally feeling lost at the grocery because the simplest of tasks had suddenly gotten so much more complex. In those moments I find refuge in knowing I can fall back on the grocery staples Little Debbie Oatmeal Pies (a current fav of Roger's), peanut butter cheese crackers, and Sprite. I'm sure I'm on some nutritionist's Most Wanted poster for committing various nutrition felonies.

Today was an "ok" day. Not good, but a little less bad than yesterday. He was weak, puny, nauseous and had periodic vomiting. So, we went to the oncology center for more IV anti-nausea, anti-intestinal issue (translation: diarrhea) drugs, and a bunch of fluids. This evening, Roger seems to be slowly on the mend. Hopefully tomorrow will be much better. I think I've mentioned one of the side effects of this chemo is extreme sensitivity to cold ....thought you could appreciate this picture. Roger is the only guy in Indy on a 95 degree day bundled up under a blanket! The other photo is of Roger and our niece Sarah on our boat over 4th of July weekend.

much love to all. thanks for all the support. A & R